Firehouse Subs Turns Up the Heat
Fire pole count: 0
At Firehouse Subs, it's clear that dudes decorated this place. They were like, "OK. Fireman theme. What says firehouse? Go!" and that's when they came up with the Dalmatian-printed tables and hanging axes and multiple fire alarms on the walls because that totally goes with the firehouse theme and then some dude was like, "Dude! Let's have a buncha ripped, hunky guys behind the counter wearing suspenders and no shirts with fireman pants, and they'll be like, 'Let me axe you one question: You want I should turn up the heat on this sandwich for you?' and instead of having bidets in the guys' restrooms, we'll just unleash a fire hydrant on your ass, and we'll play Tina Turner's I Need A Hero!" and the other dudes were like, "Too weird—instead, paint a giant mural on the wall of the Dallas skyline with all the buildings in the foreground on fire and some firedude's savin' a baby. Because that's way less creepy."
Looking at the Dallas skyline on fire while eating my sub was freaky. Seeing that firestud save a baby from the fire made me appreciate firepeople and simultaneously made me mad at all the damn fire-starting babies of the world. I hope he takes that one straight to Lew Sterrett.
My Club On A Sub was steamy (they specialize in heated subs here, so get ready for that if you're used to cold subbage) with a pickle and chips, and it was pretty tasty on its own. But here, you don't just eat the sub the way they serve it up—you gotta douse it in one of the 50 hot sauces they have that range from Tabasco to some weird-lookin' bottle of anger called Ring of Fire. The Firehouse Subs people must be members of the Hot-Sauce-of-the-Month club. Props to them, though, for not wasting my time with some BS homemade hot sauce. Probably a good call on their part too, because all the pain I'm about to inflict on my cornhole is technically my own damn fault. The first couple of bites with the El Yucateco Habanero Chile sauce were fandamntastic. Then, I couldn't taste anything so I tried putting out the flames with my Dr Pepper (with Sonic ice—awesome) and when that didn't work, I blacked out. The minute my stomach lining heals up I'm going back for a rematch.
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