Last Wednesday, the eight finalists of the Big Tex Choice Awards were announced. Today, they gathered for an epic fried battle. Three judges (1310 The Ticket's Donovan Lewis, Representative Eric Johnson from the Texas House of Representatives who has a degree from Harvard so you know he has to be right, and Andrea Rega, anchor of Noticias 23 Weekend Edition) gathered to judge the crap out of this fried stuff.
We tried every item on the list. The update list of fried foods coming to the fair this year that didn't make the BTCA finals and our recommendations:
Abel Gonzales' Fried Jambalaya won the award for Best Taste (this wasn't too surprising after we saw Donovan Lewis say the words, "That's not fucking bad," under his breath after tasting the friebalaya. Which is what Abel should've named it, BTW), and Butch Benavides' Fried Bacon Cinnamon Roll won the award for Most Creative.
We like to go to the fair and order every fried thing under the sun, but we recognize that that costs a bajillion dollars and calories. All of the finalists had great fried entries this year, so if you can stomach the whole tour, absolutely do it. But if you can't, definitely try the items that were awarded this year. They're great. Best Taste: Deep Fried Jambalaya It made the judges' eyeballs pop out in happiness. Abel's friebalaya is everything a ridiculous fried fair food item should be. Give it a shot. We're proud of him for winning again this year. Fried Jesus has returned.
Fried Bacon Cinnamon Roll By the time we got to try this, they were serving bite-sized pieces for everyone to share. Made us realize that this is totally shareable. We're also hoping that by fair day, they figure out a quicker frying process. It was worth the wait, but know that this one might have you waiting in line a little longer.
We also received an additional list of new fried items that didn't make it into the finals of the BTCA, but that will still be featured at the fair this year.
Cup of Trash - pinto beans, northern beans, Angus burger meat and rice topped with onions, cheese and tomatoes.
Deep Fried Baked Potato - Crispy fried French fries wrapped in foil, split open and filled with butter, cheese, sour cream, chives and bacon bits. Add beef and BBQ sauce if you want. Whoa.
DEEP FRIED CHICKEN AND WAFFLE - YOU GUYS. Chicken breast dipped in waffle batter and fried. Dusted with sugar. On a stick. Deep Fried Red Velvet Cupcake - WHAAAAAAAAT Red Velvet Cupcake filled with cream cheese. Fried. More frosting. THEN THEY TOP IT WITH A FRIED CHICKEN WING. How did this not make the finals?
El Dogito on a Stick - Spicy sausage with cheese and jalapenos, wrapped in a tortilla and fried. Sign me up.
Fried Cotton Candy - Pink cotton candy lightly battered with funnel cake mix. Quick-fried, dusted with powdered sugar. THEY FRIED COTTON CANDY! YES PLEASE CRAP!
Fried Cow Patty - OK. If they really fried poop, we're done. It's over. Whew. THEY DIDN'T FRY POOP, YOU GUYS! It's chocolate cake batter, fried, with chocolate pudding and chocolate whipped cream. So it will intentionally look like poop, but it will taste like not poop. So, there's that.
Fried Sugar - Sugar cubes are dipped in pancake batter and fried, topped with caramel sauce.
Fried Sugar Cubes - Not a typo-- this is listed from two different people. So, you'll have fried sugar options. This one comes double-dipped in chocolate or vanilla batter. Or both. Then top with chocolate, caramel or fruit sauces.
Shrimp Quesadillas - Cilantro, shrimp, onion, tomato, mushroom and oh, yeah: cheese. In tortillas.
West Texas Apple Fried Pie - Yep. What it sounds like.
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SHOW ME HOW
Potato Twist - potatoes + onion + bacon bits + bell pepper + Cajun breading + deep-fried.
Chocolate Candy-Coated Bacon - Fried bacon dipped in chocolate and rolled in candy sprinkles and put directly in my mouth now thank you.
Fried Kitty-Kat - OK IF THEY FRIED A CAT WE'RE DONE AND THIS IS OVER. They didn't. It's a Kit-Kat dipped in batter and fried. And it sounds like we're gonna have to eat that, too.
Merry Fried Christmas, y'all.