Here's What You Need to Know about Tomorrow's Dallas Observer Brewfest

Don't worry lost sheep. We are here to guide you.
Don't worry lost sheep. We are here to guide you.

Tomorrow, the Dallas Observer Brewfest will take over the Dallas Farmers Market, blanketing the area in six inches of beer foam, countless wobbly bodies and, most importantly, tiny pretzels strung together into delicious necklaces. If you have already purchased tickets, great. Feel free to skip ahead. If you haven't, follow this link and get on your tickets fast. You have until 5 p.m. tomorrow to take advantage of a $10 discount. Do not delay. VIP tickets have already sold out.

With your tickets secured, you may have a few questions about how to get the most out of your Brewfest experience. Below you'll find out responses to a few frequently asked questions. Please read them carefully. Your Brewfest enjoyment hangs in the balance.

How Should I Get There? Uber, probably. This code will get new users a discounted trip. There are also cabs and these large things called busses. You should look into them.

Where do you park? OK, buses -- that was obviously a joke. If you must drive, check out this map of nearby parking lots. We're running shuttles back and forth for the duration of the event. But seriously: take a cab.

How should I get home? Generally it's helpful to look at the above instructions but read them in reverse. Not like that thing you did with a Pink Floyd record in college, just follow the breadcrumbs backwards until you find your favorite pillow.

Who should I go home with? This one is a bit more complicated. If you'e married or otherwise obligated to one person, it's in your best interest to go home with them. Single people would do best to go home with the person wearing the most depleted pretzel necklace -- they're the least likely to spend their evening in a locked bathroom while you watch TV in a foreign apartment in Richardson alone.

What should I drink? Maybe Brewfest is not for you?

What should I not drink? The VIP folk have access to a few spirits, but in general, you should avoid drinking anything that is not beer. This is Brewfest, and the word "brew" does not point toward small-batch sodas. Water is acceptable. Basically if whatever is in your glass is not beer, someone is going to judge you. And then take one of your pretzels.

Where Do Babies Come From? Keep drinking, buddy. All will be revealed.

Where Am I? OK, wait, did you start already? Make sure to check out the Uber code above.

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