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I Fucking Love Thanksgiving

That turkey should be worried.
That turkey should be worried.
Alice Laussade

(Editor's note: this post originally ran last year, but we can't think of Thanksgiving without Alice's succinct effing love of the holiday)

Alright, I know that 103.7 has already become The Christmas Station and grocery stores are already selling candy canes, but can we just hold the motherfucking Christmas phone for a second and be excited for Thanksgiving? The Day of Giving Thanks (AKA The Best Food Holiday of The Year AKA Overeatsgiving) cometh, bitches! And I, for one, am super hyped to eat a shit-ton of roasted root vegetables and stuffing straight out of a turkey's junk.

See also: The Best Dallas Thanksgiving Events

Thanksgiving, you're the best. I love every single damned thing about you from start to finish.

I love how Thanksgiving means it's time to trace your hand and draw a bunch of cute pictures of turkeys before we stuff them and eat them.

Who's gonna eat those weird pickled beets my mom insists on garnishing the turkey with? This bitch.
Who's gonna eat those weird pickled beets my mom insists on garnishing the turkey with? This bitch.

I love how we pretend that back in the day, every land-stealing Pilgrim and every American Indian sat at the same ridiculously long dinner table on one glorious day in November and they were oh so thankful that they had each other around.

There's no way this is how it looked. No fuckin' way. Ah well, pass the gravy!
There's no way this is how it looked. No fuckin' way. Ah well, pass the gravy!

I love a big ass side of mashed potatoes and muhfukkin' gravy.

Bitch, you know those mashed potatoes better be 1/4 potatoes, 1/4 whipping cream, 1/4 butter and 1/4 salt.
Bitch, you know those mashed potatoes better be 1/4 potatoes, 1/4 whipping cream, 1/4 butter and 1/4 salt.

I love how cranberry sauce is eaten as a side and not used as a sauce.

 

Mmmmmm. Stumpy, ribbed sauce.
Mmmmmm. Stumpy, ribbed sauce.

I fucking. Love. Stuffing. Thanksgiving, I'm so fucking thankful that you invented meat cobbler.

Stuffingaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhlovestuffing.
Stuffingaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhlovestuffing.

Oh, did somebody make that stupid ass green bean casserole with the crunchy onion things from a can? Good. Because I fucking love that shit.

And you know I love Second Thanksgiving Dinner sandwiches (which are traditionally eaten about three hours after First Thanksgiving Dinner and then for every meal until all the leftovers are gone) on white bread with stuffing and turkey and cranberry sauce.

Thanksgiving Sandwich is everything that's wonderful about Thanksgiving in portable form. It's epic good.
Thanksgiving Sandwich is everything that's wonderful about Thanksgiving in portable form. It's epic good.

Have a happy Dang Turkey Day, fools. I wish you all the most delicious of meals and many, many turkey sweats.

Follow City of Ate on Twitter. Follow me at @thecheapbastard.

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