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I'mma Blow Up Gingerbread Houses. What're You Doing on New Year's Eve?

One way to ring in the New Year that won't give you crabs. Might lose a finger to a firework, though. Be safe.
One way to ring in the New Year that won't give you crabs. Might lose a finger to a firework, though. Be safe.

My favorite New Year's Eve tradition comes from my friend, Andy. One New Year's Eve a long, long time ago, Andy's step dad created the best tradition since drinking beer always. The story goes that Andy's step dad (let's call him Badass McAwesometown), Badass McAwesometown, was left at home unsupervised with a winning combination of items: one brand new video camera that he got for Christmas, too many beers and a bunch of sweet, cute, unsuspecting gingerbread houses.

At some point, he got bored and decided that it was about time to shoot some kickass video with his new Camcorder.

The obvious answer was that he was going to have to blow some shit up. Even more obvious was that those gingerbread houses were going to look super rad exploding in slow motion.

Pretty sure Andy's mom wasn't thrilled when she got home, but the tradition stuck and they've been blowing up gingerbread houses every year since. "There's just something about blowing stuff up on New Year's makes me feel American. I hope to pass this on to my kids one day. Because it's fucking awesome," says Andy. Indeed, it is, sir.

Oh, what cute dormers! NOWLET'SBLOWITUP!!!!!!!!
Oh, what cute dormers! NOWLET'SBLOWITUP!!!!!!!!

Here are the tools you'll need if you want to carry on the Badass McAwesometown family tradition:

graham crackers (for the walls and roof of your house)
white icing
obviously gum drops
other sprinkles and decorative shit
giant square of cardboard to stand your house on
drill (cordless preferred)
Black Cat fireworks (or whatever else you've got on hand, don't blow yourself up)

Allow contestants to build houses, noting that there'll be one award for prettiest house and one award for best explosion. Drill a hole in one graham cracker wall of the house and put the firecracker inside (fuse obviously sticking out) before anyone puts the roofs on their homes.

Vote on prettiest house, then blow the shits up and award the title of best explosion. This will be your favorite New Year's Eve ever.

Besides high-fiving strangers, barfing in a dirty toilet and contracting a new STD ("Ooh! Chlamydia! I haven't had that one yet! Sweet!"), what's your favorite New Year's Eve tradition?


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