Jimmy's Food Store

Pig head shaped out of ground pork behind the meat counter count: 1

I went up to the counter in Jimmy's Food Store, the lady asked me what I wanted, and I said, "I'll take the Italian Stallion. 6-inch." For a second I felt like I was ordering a man slave and really regretted asking for the 6-inch instead of the 12-inch (which, by the way, they refer to as The Italian Stallion Brick). But, I had a heavy breakfast of Latin Lover, so I opted to stick with the half-foot.

As I waited for my food, I took a look around and quickly discovered that Jimmy's is badass. There's all kinds of wine (so, on those liquid lunch days, you can forgo the meat counter, pick yourself out a nice bottle of Shiraz for less than 10 bucks, find a condiment aisle to cry in and have your own little confidence-building power lunch). They have fresh veggies, fresh pastas, a meat counter that rivals any meat counter I've seen in those chi-chi hippie grocery stores (including, but not limited to, about 500 feet of homemade sausage, the aforementioned ground pork pig head and the fattiest, most delicious-looking bacon I've ever seen) and all the fixin's for making a really nice Italian dinner at home.


Jimmy's Food Store

Jimmy's Food Store

4901 Bryan St.


When my food was up, I was more than ready to eat it. If you're in a rush, this place might not be the top of your list. They beat Subway in every other category but that one (in a survey based on "Eff" being worst, "Eh" being medium and "Shit Yeah" being best):

  Jimmy's Subway
Not sucking Shit Yeah Eff
Serving bread that tastes like bread instead of butt Shit Yeah Eff
Having Actual Sandwich Shit Yeah Eff
Artists Who Make Pig Heads Out of Ground Pork Shit Yeah Eff
Fast Service Eh Shit Yeah

My sandwich was loaded up with prosciutto, pepperoni, some other sliced meaty stuff and provolone. There was way more lettuce on the sub than I needed, but other than that, it was perfection. Next time I go, I think I'm getting the "muffuletta." When I saw that it was $9.99 on the menu, I was like, "Fuck you, Jimmy, I'm not paying 10 bucks for a damn sub." And then I saw that the thing is a 9-inch round, pizza-sized thing that could feed a small village. Big as yo' face doesn't even come close to describing the massiveness of this mouth filler. It was yum-looking.

To drink, I chose a Henry Weinhardt's root beer, which made me the happiest person on the planet because Henry Weinhardt's is the best root beer ever. IBC can eat a D. Oh, and Jimmy's also has a huge beer fridge full of options, so you can go that way if you're in the mood to make it a beer lunch. I didn't see any Natty Light, though, so don't get your hopes up too high.

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