When you think Charleston, you think ... pirates?
When you think Charleston, you think ... pirates?
Courtesy of Bravo

John Tesar Is an Eagle Soaring Through Top Chef

John Tesar has changed. He’s done some reading. He’s discovered himself. He’s gone from a scorpion to an eagle soaring above the ground.

Episode 7 of Top Chef season 14 starts with a quickfire challenge, but with an elimination. Everyone is stressed. But considering there’s still about 74 chefs left on this season, it’s time to start sending some home.

Model Host Woman explains the challenge. It has to do with horoscopes. Tesar is the only one in the bunch who reads his horoscope every day. I imagine he logs on to astrologyzone.com every morning and prays to Susan Miller every night.

The chefs must cook a dish corresponding with whether their horoscope is an earth, water, air or fire sign. If this sounds like the most ridiculous challenge, you’re not wrong.

Because scorpio is a water sign, Tesar grabs the snappers from the pantry and starts cooking. There was a small shuffle between Tesar and Sheldon Simeon for the snappers, but Tesar and his new-found calm demeanor got them.

Model Host Woman declared Tesar’s snappers and tartare fine enough to not be in the bottom three. Jamie Lynch, however, won the best dish and has immunity for the elimination challenge.

Dennis the Menace, Emily Hahn and Sylva Senat had the worst dishes and face off against one another. They decide to make steak tartare. But Dennis the Menace is sent home.

If you thought that challenge was stupid and stretching for something original, then wait until you get ahold of the elimination challenge. Model Host Woman comes and tells the chefs about some pirate in Charleston. Blackbeard threw a party in Charleston and then was caught by the police or something? The chefs must divide up into teams of three and walk all over the city of Charleston with a treasure map looking for treasure, aka the ingredients for their next dish.

Tesar is paired with Hahn and Lynch. This is good news for Tesar, because both of his teammates are Charleston natives and also Lynch has immunity. He can’t go home. So if their team is stuck with some horrible ingredients, they can just give it to Lynch.

The scavenger hunt begins and it’s pouring in Charleston. Someone mentions it’s a tropical storm and I’m not sure about that, but there’s a lot of water. Tesar doesn’t mind because Tesar is a water sign. Hahn and Lynch aren’t as familiar with Charleston’s grounds as Tesar would like. But they find all of their ingredients, including lobster, truffles, peanut butter and canned peas.

They head back to the kitchen and Tesar begins making his lobster with truffle butter and canned peas. Lynch is making some sort of peanut butter chicken because he was stuck with the peanut butter ingredient because he can’t go home. Hahn makes lobster chowder.

There’s tension in the kitchen between Tesar and Hahn. Tesar accuses Hahn of the worst thing you can accuse a young person of being — a millennial in the workplace. Hahn, however, is angry because Tesar got to choose all the ingredients.

When it comes time for Model Host Woman and her army of men to judge the dishes, they enjoy Tesar’s lobster. “The lobster is cooked perfect,” one of the judges says. However, they can barely eat Hahn’s and Lynch’s dishes. Model Host Woman’s perfect face becomes imperfect for one split second when she tastes Lynch’s chicken. She nearly gags. It’s amazing.

Team Red is declared the worst team. It’s pretty clear Tesar won’t go home because his lobster was perfect and Lynch won’t go home because he has immunity. It looks like Hahn will go home. But: plot twist! Lynch asks that his immunity is revoked. Everyone is astounded by his bravery. The other chefs are treating him like a Purple Heart recipient. Just as they are about to call President Obama and demand he gets a Medal of Freedom, Hahn tells the judges that Tesar took control of the group and chose all the ingredients and was the one who decided to give Lynch all the bad ingredients. Hey, Hahn, who peed in your asparagus soup? Tesar isn’t fazed by Hahn and her millennial ways, though. He’s an eagle soaring. He says her claim isn’t true and it’s not his fault that her dish wasn’t as perfect as his. It’s unclear whose side Lynch is on, though. All we really know is how brave he is for giving up his immunity.

Model Host Woman and her team deliberate and decide. When they come back, they ask Lynch if he’s positive he wants to give up his immunity. Are you sure? Are you positive? Are you really, really sure? He says yes and then is sent home. Tesar and his matured attitude is safe for another week.

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