Each week, the Cheap Bastard goes looking for a new place to eat a meal for less than nine million dollars. This week, she checked out the Mama Faye's, 2933 Commerce St. They serve meat, lots of dead animal flesh, which Alice loves so much, we're starting to worry she's a werewolf.
Badass meat mural count: 1 Hours my clothes smelled of smoked meats after leaving Mama Faye's: 372
Mama Faye's is a little barbecue joint in Deep Ellum that has everything going for it: free meters out front on weekdays, Perfect Ten Massage parlor next door so you can make a variety of hilarious (to you) smoked sausage jokes and zero people in line inside, so your food comes out fast and you can sit wherever the hell you want. Inside, there are approximately a bajillion booths to choose from and you're hit so hard with the smell of smoked meats that the clothes you're wearing will forever smell of delicious, delicious dead cows and pigs. Soak it in.
I ordered a sausage sandwich. "Mild or hot sauce?" Hot. "Are you sure? It's pretty hot." I'm totally sure. Please fuck me up with your hot sauce, you big Mfer -- it's cool if I call you "MFer" for short, right, Mama Faye's? ... Oh. I happen to speak fluent stink-eye and I believe your face just said, "Cut that shit out right fuckin' now."
"Mama Faye's" it is.
The super-sauced sausage sandwich at Mama Faye's is made with regular white bread. Not Texas toast, not a hamburger bun, not toasted, just sausage links plus sauce on regular white bread. It tasted great -- perfect heat, nice smoke, spicy sausage -- but when you put that much sauce on white bread, it gets all squishy. Dislike.
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For me, in the sandwich world there's nothing less appealing than wet bread. (Ducks everywhere just stopped reading this paper forever. "Wet bread is gross? Bitch, you crazy!") Eating wet bread makes me queasy in the same way stepping barefoot in a pile of other people's freshly booged boogers would. One bite of wet bread makes my face go all Rene Zellwegger-squinty. It's on par with wet Kleenex.
It's my hope that Mama Faye's upgrades their bread situation to Texas toast or a bun or something that can handle their sauce, because the sausage links and the sauce were great. They just need a better-at-sopping bread partner.
Until they change things up, I'd skip the sandwich and just order a couple of their delicious MF-ing links plus a slice of their chess pie (which is a buttermilk pie that's bishop-boningly delicious). Ooh. Sounds like a lunch of champions right there. Imagine the spicy-sweet burps you'll get to unload on your coworkers all afternoon. Mmmm. Boss's bday lunch: figured out.