This Meatless Monday started off like every other Meatless Monday, with a silent panic growing more powerful as the clock ticks down to 12. Breakfast on Meatless Monday is easy, mostly because it's Monday, I'm usually running late for work and I haven't (yet) discovered a meat-based cereal. I'm looking at you Ham-n-Chex, cereal of the future. Lunch, on the other hand, lands me in a world of hurt. Each step out of the office taunts me with the same eight words:
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SHOW ME HOW
Where the shit am I going to eat? See also: Meatless Monday: Now Served With a Side of Cash
Meatless Monday makes this decision infinitely more difficult. I have an hour, must account for
traffuck! traffic and must adhere to the guidelines that serve to uphold the valor of a one-day-per-week vegetarian. Without eating fries and ice cream. Or fries dipped in ice cream. Or fried ice cream. I wish I was a carnie at the fair.
Pressed for time and feeling rather green, I walked on over to Jimmy John's. I'm a one-woman planet-saving machine today, y'all. Bonus: Jimmy John's is everywhere, and they really are as fast as their coked-up commercials suggest. Surely they can shove some vegetables into some bread, accept my American dollars and send me on my way back to the rock quarry, right? Right I was. So I ordered the resident vegetarian sub and even tipped the cashier. I'm on fire today; I even ate that meatless mess outside. Like Captain Planet.
The Vegetarian is your basic meatless concept: lettuce, provolone, avocado, tomatoes, cucumber and the world's most polarizing of sandwich spreads, mayonnaise. For just under five bucks, it's a hefty sando and makes lunch on Meatless Monday a cheap and easy one. They'll even bring it to your butt in an office chair. My professional recommendation: get a cookie. You didn't eat pig flesh today, so you deserve a cookie. Happy lunching.