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Please Stop Messing with Doughnuts, America

Doughnuts, like love, are all you need.
Doughnuts, like love, are all you need.

Everyone loves doughnuts. Old people love doughnuts. So do kids. Doughnut shops can be found in rural towns and urban neighborhoods across America, rarely with a sign more specific than the word "donut." (Yes, they spell it wrong.) They transcend race, class and gender. They are the kind of food that is acceptable to bring to almost any function. Doughnuts soak up alcohol at the end of a late night. Churches are held together by doughnuts. The doughnut, in short, is amazing.

Everyone loves to read about doughnuts, too: doughnut shops, new types of doughnuts (hello bacon) and doughnut hybrids. That last one has been particularly popular lately, probably because we are running out of new things to put on top of doughnuts. People have been combining doughnuts with churros and croissants and hamburgers, and I'm here to say: IT HAS GOT TO STOP. It is time to put an end to the bastardization of the doughnut.

Call me a Doughnut Luddite, but can't we just let a good thing be good? Glazed, fried, diabetes-inducing good?

Apparently not, because someone went and mated the doughnut with a croissant and then people waited in line for it. Why would you stand in line for a cronut when you could eat a doughnut or three and spend all that time you saved taking a nap?

Now Urban Taco claims to have crossed the doughnut with a churro. But it is just a churro made into a circle shape. You can see that too, right? Please someone tell me they see that too. In all seriousness, it looks really delicious but that is not a doughnut and does not need its own press release. Churros are fantastic in their own right and don't need help any help from the doughnut.

Who has a doughnut and thinks, "This is good, but I feel like it is missing something?" No one. No one ever thinks that. Because the doughnut is already perfect and perfect things don't need changing. So today or tonight or this weekend, let your favorite hall of doughnuts know you love them and they are beautiful and should never change. Because the classics deserve some respect. And a blog post every now and then.


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