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Scientific Poll Results Prove: May Is National Barbecue Month.

Scientific Poll Results Prove: May Is National Barbecue Month.
Nicholas McWhirter

We asked you which National Food Month should be May's Official National Food Month, and your answer was loud and clear.

While you made jokes in the comments section about wanting Asparagus Month to win, your votes said something much, much meatier. In the least shocking food news in the history of food news, National Barbecue Month is the clear winner for May's Only Real And Truly Official National Food Month Recognized By City of Ate.

Scientific Poll Results Prove: May Is National Barbecue Month.

Now that that's cleared up, here are five National Barbecue Month traditions that you should start celebrating. Yesterday.

1. Eat barbecue off of a live, totally naked pig. It's like those sushi places that let you eat sushi off of a naked woman. Only, with this, you're eating brisket off of a totally nude pig.

2. Yell "BARBECUE. IT'S BARBECUE MONTH, BITCHES!" any time someone in your general area asks "Where should we go for lunch today?" It's not necessary for them to be asking you directly. In fact, this is better if strangers nearby are discussing lunch options.

3. Carry a giant pair of tongs and a meat cleaver with you at all times, in case of smoked meat emergency. In a pinch, carrying a Gavin Cleaver with you at all times would work.

4. Ask every establishment you walk into if they have any specials for National Barbecue Month. If they don't, stink-eye them. Hard. Then ask to speak with a manager. Maybe even make a scene about it. "This Best Buy doesn't have a National Barbecue Month special? What the hell? This is Texas. I quit this place. I'm going to Kohl's. They'll have their shit together."

5. Three words: Barbecue. Sauce. Lube. It's messy, but self-explanatory. Maybe trade out the Kleenex box for wet naps this month.

This is obviously just a start of the list of meaty traditions you should be celebrating daily this month. Which National Barbecue Month traditions are your family's favorites?


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