When talking food with other people that like food, it would be perfectly fine to say that Dallas has had an excellent year of making new burgers. You should feel free to clink your glass with your fork, or raise an index finger into the air, as if you are saying, I'm speaking now, and calmly let fly: "Dallas will goddam burger-murder any city."
"Dallas has so many good burgers hot meat smells blanket the city like meat thunder" is another example of something you could say. Fling a pickle around as a intimidation tool while speaking, if necessary. If another city is brought up as housing better burgers than Dallas, like Houston for example, I recommend cough-clearing your throat (place your fist over your mouth) and saying "You'reAwfulDallasisConsiderablyBurgerBetter" during the throat clearing as a way to really drive it home.
Of Dallas' many excellent burgers, some of them are not new, one is in that Best Of issue, and some are so new the cattle's methane is still in the air. When talking food, the below burgers are correct answers to the question: So, what new burgers are really good in Dallas? These burgers:
The Brisket Burger at Stock & Barrel, $14 (above) Comes with bacon, cheddar and red onion It would be fine to say out loud that this burger should be delivered with a vinyl copy of Led Zeppelin's III. Actually, if asked about the Stock & Barrel burger, I'd just go ahead and immediately launch into "Since I've Been Loving You" in replace of answering. It's got big juices and smoky bacon. When mashed into that ghost-thin but sharp layer of cheese it makes for a top-five burger experience burger.
The Ozersky at Knife, $12 Comes with American cheese, thin red onion, two house-made pickles This is important: When you're in a group talking food in Dallas, if a friend mentions they haven't had the Knife burger, you instantly impale them with a large spear. You say, "YOU HAVEN'T HAD IT ARE YOU SERIOUS?" so loud you're sort of shaking at the arms. For me, this was a perfect burger. The melted American cheese, the acid clap of the pickles and the red onion worked like a great film trilogy, as directed by the Great Angry Meat Director. Insanely spot-on gradient of crunch to juicy, red-centered meat on this one.
A Build-Your-Own Burger at Vagabond, $10+ Comes with whatever the hell you want. There are only three words you'll need to discuss about this burger: Bone. Marrow. Mayo. Hang on, sorry -- you'll need Duck. Fat. Steak. Holy. Shit. Fries. Too. Try pressing your finger down on the table when saying each word. Note: you may try saying Hash Tag Bone Marrow Mayo or #bonemarrowmayo as well.
The Bacon Mutt at Mutts Cantina, $6.95 for a single / $8.95 for a double Comes with American cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato, pickle and "Bow Wow Sauce" Mutts is the new-ish (the place opened around Summer last year) not-usually-mentioned spot for you to bring up, a great curveball. There are cute animals running around that watch you order meat and eat it, which is always fun. There are no jams, tots, figs, fugs, tilts, microgreens, crepes, ramps, elvish rings, fish nipples, Egyptian Cotton Blankets, or rare birds on this burger. It's just a really good, rich cheeseburger. Note: this one stays good even when you get it to-go.
The Burger at So & So's, $12 Comes with Challah Bun, LTO, Bacon Shallot Aioli, House Fries, Pickle I have no idea what's happening at So & So's, but the burger is good. There was a tiny giraffe perched on an old piano, and a painting on the wall displaying two fantastical, Colonial ships. Who cares. Talk about how this burger let loose a burst-dam of juices, and the salty crunch of the griddled beef was spot-on. Also, Bacon Shallot Aioli is actually my name now. I had it changed.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
The Cuban Burger at ¡C. Señor!, $7.50 Comes with beef and chorizo patty, spiced ketchup, diced onion, potato strings, pepperjack cheese. This one will stick with you. It comes with a gently speared, tiny satchel of crispy potato strings to dump on the chorizo burger, which was a burger first for me. Talking points for this one: it's a chorizo burger. The Bourdain meter is high on this one: It comes from a ramshackle stand in the middle of an Oak Cliff parking lot. It's also close enough to Stock & Barrell you could reach out from the shitter and grab one. Get extra spicy ketchup. Actually, get extra Cuban Burger. You'll want one for the road.