Szechuan Chinese Restaurant

Lunch special: $5.25 buffet 7 days a week.

As I was pointing and laughing at the bright orange Oompa Loompas who were leaving the B-Tan Tanning Superstore with their totally natural mid-winter radiation-kissed tan, my bitchiness made me hungry, so I walked next door to the Szechuan Chinese Restaurant, and what do we have here? A $5.25 lunch buffet. Thanks, Loompas.

At first glance, the place was pretty empty. And when I looked again I realized that the patrons of the restaurant consisted exclusively of white people and forks. I found this a little worrisome, but, I thought, there's no way this place is completely devoid of chopstickage. I continued my chopstick search for what must have been at least 10 more seconds and didn't see any. I would have asked for some, but something about having to ask for chopsticks at a Chinese restaurant seemed really messed up, so I decided to leave it alone and make fun of it later instead. Hey, look! It's later.

Put out some chopsticks, Szech. I'm not sure your buffet even counts as a real Chinese buffet until you do. Maybe you're tired of watching whiteys fumble as they unsuccessfully chopstick at your tasty lo mein noodles. Maybe after the 500th person walked in and asked for "real silverware," y'all were like, "Fuck it. These people don't deserve the joy of snapping apart chopsticks." But you gotta bring the chop back. A Chinese buffet without chopsticks is like orange juice without vodka: lame.


Szechuan Chinese Restaurant

4117 Lemmon Ave.

Moving on to your buffet, I have to say I give it a strong thumbs middle. For the price, the food was good. You had every cliché I could have wanted for Chinese lunch. Egg drop soup? Check. Spring rolls? Check. Lo mein? Check. You had dumplings, sesame chicken, sweet and sour chicken, and a big sign that says "NO MSG." I think if I go back, I'll order from the menu, though. You seem like a place that has potential for good spicy dishes, and that's what kept me from giving your lunch buffet full thumbage. But maybe I just came on the days when Fiery Fire Pork Hotness and Chicken Flaming Butt Mein weren't on the buffet.

Check out the 'Chuan. And, if you're a cheap-ass at dinnertime too, from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. daily, they have a $6.25 dinner buffet. Yum.


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