Ten Fictional Foods (and Beverages, Of Course) We Wish Were Real
"Mmm-mmmm, that is a tasty buger."
Throughout movie and television history, there have been fake foods and drinks that have given us the urge to punch through our TVs and force-feed the goods into our faces. Here we stroll through of our favorite faux products.
Big Kahuna Burger
Screw In-N-Out, this is the burger chain we really want to come to Texas. They could sling out burgers just as tasty as the ultra-hyped California transplant. Plus they could steal In-N-Out's Bible verse bit and reference Ezekiel 25:17 on the bottom of their wrappers.
The "Thirst Mutilator" and unexpectedly potent fertilizer, Brawndo was one of the genius concepts devised by Mike Judge for the movie Idiocracy. Brawndo's main selling point was that it had electrolytes, which seems pretty tame compared to the catchphrases companies are flinging at us these days.
A classic fake product introduced on I Love Lucy was Vitameatavegamin. Touted as a general cure-all product with numerous unnamed health benefits, it secretly contained 23 percent alcohol. While shockingly strong for the 50s, here at City of Ate we call that breakfast.
Kenny Rogers' Roasters
While the Kenny Rogers' Roasters chain did at one point exist, even the ringing endorsement of an entire Seinfeld episode couldn't vault the company's fortunes into the KFC stratosphere. Perhaps it had something to do with the blistering red beacon bathing Kramer's apartment in UV rays. The Roasters are now primarily in Asian countries, while we're told Kenny himself is suspended upside down in a cryogenic chamber somewhere beneath the Smoky Mountains.
As a cartoon marketed for kids, but equally appealing to adults, you know Spongebob's going to have some serious grub. Amongst the barnacle loafs and fried oyster skins, a champion rises above all: the Krabby Patty. The wonderful subaquatic burger appeals to the land-dwellers young and old. The barnacle loafs, not so much
Stay Puft Marshmallows
Before turning into a tubular, car-crushing behemoth, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man was the mascot for packs of tiny white pillows of sugary goodness. Thanks to the Ghostbusters, what looked to be certain doom for New York City ended up being the setup to the greatest s'mores party in movie history.
Editor's note: Commenter Chris Danger pointed out below that the geniuses at Think Geek have created Stay Puft. We'd like to see them go mainstream though. In fact, we'd like to roast these suckers at Tillman's Roadhouse.
One of the most ubiquitous products on The Simpsons, Duff Beer plays on the glamorous image that real-life big beer producers market. While the beer seems to your typical mass-produced swill, the pitchman is what really makes it memorable. The brew's spokes-toon, Duffman, constantly utters the two greatest words in fake-slogan history: "Ohhhhhhh yeahhhhhh."
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