Film and TV

Tesar Sent Home From Top Chef Because Life Is a Joke

With only a handful of finalists left in this season of Top Chef, John Tesar has been eliminated.
With only a handful of finalists left in this season of Top Chef, John Tesar has been eliminated. Courtesy of Bravo TV
I only have two questions in life, and they are: Who killed Jonbenet Ramsey, and why the hell did John MF Tesar get sent home on this round of Top Chef?

I’m not angry, I’m just furious.

I’ve spent the last 10 or so weeks watching, rooting for and crying over John Tesar and this damn show. I did not make it to the end just to watch him get sent home from Mexico because he couldn’t make a damn margarita.

“I’m from Texas. I know how to make a great classic margarita,” says Tesar, before getting sent home for making a not-great margarita.

It’s Top Chef, not Top Bartender.

Let’s go back to the beginning of this joke of an episode. We meet the chefs in Mexico in Chivas Stadium, where Shirley Chung wonders if they are going to have to cook for 30,000 people. Please, please keep her in the competition.

It’s revealed Brooke Williamson won Last Chance Kitchen, so she comes crawling back and already has an advantage for being a once-loser trying to win again for her kid or some bullshit.

Model Host Woman tells the four chefs the quickfire challenge is to make a goat dish in 45 minutes in the middle of a soccer field.

Tesar makes a dish that looks like a meatball sub from Subway, but it’s goat torta brazed in two different sauces.

Model Host Woman tells Tesar the goat is chewy and he hangs his head in sadness. Tom Colicchio says the ratio of bread to meat was off. These comments do not do Tesar any favors because Williamson wins the quickfire challenge and immediately uses her advantage to screw Tesar over.

Because she won, she gets to choose which once-eliminated Top Chef contestant acts as the remaining chefs’ sous chef. Williamson does what every TV producer has wet dreams about, and puts mortal enemy Katsuji Tanabe with Tesar.

Model Host Woman says the chefs and their sous chefs must make a dish and a margarita for the 100 workers of Patron Tequila.

Tanabe and Tesar seem to get along fine while grocery shopping and while in the kitchen preparing the dishes. Tesar says Tanabe reminds him of himself because he has a great need for attention and to win. But Tesar has matured and decides to put their quarrel behind them, and he wants Tanabe to be a part of this dish.

They make caldo verde con pollo with Patron silver margarita. The judges are confused by the lack of cocktail in the cocktail. It seems Tesar simply mixed lime juice with the tequila. Colicchio thinks the soup is fine, but the cocktail overpowers it. There is a lot of talk about the pairing of these two items.

However, the judges have a lot of negative things to say about Chung and Sheldon Simeon’s dishes and margaritas. Chung’s margarita looks like pea soup and Simeon’s was described as looking like a fish tank. Their food dishes also don’t do well with the judges.

But at least both of their items were bad. If you pair a bad dish with a bad margarita, at least it matches. Tesar’s dish and margarita weren’t the right pairing, according to the judges, and that’s why he was sent home.

“I said whatever happens, I was going to take it like a man,” Tesar says while exiting Top Chef.

That’s great, but for once this season, I would have enjoyed it if you threw something — just for old time’s sake.
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Paige Skinner has written for the Dallas Observer since 2014.
Contact: Paige Skinner