The Best Placenta Recipes on the Internet!

Dear Reader: Before you load up to fire off a comment about this post on our food blog, just stare at this picture and count to 10.
Dear Reader: Before you load up to fire off a comment about this post on our food blog, just stare at this picture and count to 10.

I'm currently building a baby, and I realize that in addition to the gift of life, I've got this awesome placenta that's brewing in me, too. I'm told I have some choices to make about what I want to do with it when it, uh, comes out of the smoker. I'm all about the locavore movement, and it doesn't get any more local than I-made-it-in-me, right?

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Brittany Wackowski, a placenta encapsulation specialist in Dallas, tells me that placenta encapsulation offers "a natural hormone replacement, made by Mom, at a time when she needs it most." She tells me that placenta ingestion has several benefits. "It can reduce postpartum fatigue, increase milk supply for breast feeding moms, lessen post-labor bleeding. It offers a boost in vitamins (namely Iron). Ingestion of placenta can help a mom prevent PPD altogether. It's a more balanced, more energetic, yet at the same time, relaxed recovery."

But, "Why encapsulate this and take it like a vitamin when I could smoke it in a real smoker, throw it on the grill or make it into casserole," thought so many people on the Internet, apparently. I Googled "placenta recipes" in order to see if anyone on the World Wide Web had ever made placenta pastrami, and that's when I found these words: "The Best Placenta Recipes On The Internet!" and these "It's a fine placenta sausage topping."

There are recipes for placenta lasagna, placenta pizza, a placenta cocktail (which doesn't involve vodka for some unknown reason) and (obvs) placenta stew. I even found this book, which includes 25 "Easy and delicious recipes for cooking with placenta!" Oh hell yes, Amazon, I will look inside. I learned this:

1. People who cook with placenta appear to be extremely exclaimy. 2. Placenta pâté is a thing. 3. Roast placenta serves six to eight. 4. If you don't like the sound of meatloaf, maybe you're interested in placenta loaf as a substitute. 5. Placenta can be used as a sub in any recipe for liver. Placentawurst? A definite possibility. An even better band name.

I'm interested in the options I've got. Don't want any food opportunity to go to waste, right? Which direction do you guys think I should go? Two placenta capsules and a shot of tequila, or placenta pâté? (I'm open to pairing suggestions.)

See also: The Charmin Bears Must Die

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