Will the Deep Ellum 40 Oz. Walk ever be a real thing? Probably not — and that's probably for the best.EXPAND
Will the Deep Ellum 40 Oz. Walk ever be a real thing? Probably not — and that's probably for the best.
Courtesy of Walmart

The Deep Ellum 40 Oz. Walk is the Fake Facebook Event We (Almost) Wish Was Real

At any given time in the city of Dallas, there are dozens of food and drink events capitalizing on the growing "foodie" culture: wine walks, combination yoga-brunch parties, "festivals" where patrons pay hundreds of dollars just to stand in long lines for lukewarm snacks and tiny pours of expensive wine. There are block parties and festivals for just about everything: tacos, barbecue, beer, brunch. The food event bubble has yet to burst, and it seems as if there's no limit to what crowds are willing to shill out cash to experience en masse.

Even still, amidst the cacophony of food and drink soirees, one Facebook event invite recently caught our eye: the Deep Ellum 40 Oz. Walk, a celebration of all things Olde English, Bud Ice and Colt 45.

"Drama-free family friendly fun for the whole family," the event's description reads. "Various trap house vendors will be on site to show their latest wares and provide 40 oz. pairings. No refills until previous drink is finished. Unlike last year, we will not tolerate people taking part in unapproved games of Edward 40 Hands — THIS IS A FAMILY FRIENDLY EVENT. This is not in association with the Lakewood Kombucha Ride or the Uptown Popper 5K; this is an independent family friendly event."

A surprising number of people seemed to think the event was real, which says a lot more about the proliferation of niche food events than it does about the people who started hunting for babysitters as soon as they spotted the Facebook event invite.

"Where do we buy these tickets at," one of several people inquired in the event's comments, not far from comment threads where people made actual plans to attend the fictional event. And why wouldn't they?

A ticket to the event includes "a bag of Bugles, a 40 Oz. Walk participant wrist band, 10 free 40s at participating locations and a list/map of all participating locations. BUGLES MUST BE PICKED BY 2 p.m.," the event reads.

Also included in the imaginary ticket price: whippets. "Limit three whippets per person, honor system HIGHLY enforced," the event reads. "Remember this is a family friendly, wholesome event so please don't bring the children around the 7-Eleven since that's where we will be setting up the Freon dispensers."

Of course, as with just about any Dallas food event, this one — which, again, is not real — benefits a good cause.

"Proceeds from this sale will go towards finally getting that one homeless guy on Deep Ellum to his car in Waxahachie — he's been asking for cash for about a year now and we should really get him there — as well as helping me find my keys to my mom's boyfriend's Trans Am. I don't know where they're at and I'm gonna be in trouble if I don't find them."

Lest you think organizers of the non-event are irresponsible capitalist pigs planning to litter the streets of Deep Ellum with even more empty Colt 45s than usual, the invite ends with a helpful reminder to clean up after yourself: "This is a leave no trace event."

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