Caught an article over on Adage this morning on Domino's revamp of their "cheesy bread." In an attempt to capture what marketing executives must think are idiot foodies, the pizza chain is selling "gourmet" varieties of cheese bread (with spinach and feta and bacon and jalapeño).
After blacking out from irritation, we're left to think of the other completely annoying fast food and mainstream product trends meant to do one (or all) of the following: disguise their shitty food as something upscale, manipulate consumers looking for organic or farm-raised foods, and challenge consumers to eat some bombastic contraption.
Meanwhile, you're eating enough sodium or cholesterol to traffic jam your arteries. And, yes, there are still trans fats at some spots. Below, find our list of the most frustrating and current trends.
1. Faux Freshness
Earlier this year, Gizmodo broke down the truth about orange juice products: how they essentially reverse engineer the orange to keep the juice fresh and consistent. Meanwhile, Simply Orange would have you believe an old grandpa's hands are picking the oranges and wringing them into a glass, and that glass of orange juice transports in front of you.
2. Faux-Upscale Dining
Dear Domino's: Your pizzas are not "artisan" (an already annoying foodie keyword) just because you call them "artisan."
3. Strange Food Mutations
You gotta give some credit for Burger King's "fuck it" strategy. Their recent debut of the "pizza-sized" burger in Japan, which is a whopper with four patties measuring in at 8.8 inches in diameter, certainly proves the implementation of the marketing campaign Who Gives a Shit. Taco Bell's no different with their strange, disgusting sandwich flaps (above).
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4. Fast Food Restaurants as Really Awesome Hot Spots
Good news, everyone! McDonald's is launching McDonald's TV, you know, so you can stay all day and ignore your kids as they play in the balls. Also, the above "Olympic-sized" restaurant must be part of World Domination plan #145.
5. Still Having Damn Trans Fats on the Menu
Long after fast food places started jettisoning trans fats, every burger listed on Jack in the Box's nutritional menu has trans fats. Every. Damn. One. Also, some of Denny's salad sauces even have trans fats. Sorry, honey mustard fans!