The New Taco Bell Quesarito, Which Is a Burrito Wrapped in a Quesadilla, Is Perfect
OK, fine, FINE. I staged the quesarito.
The new Taco Bell Quesarito, which is a burrito sheathed inside a cheesy quesadilla, is perfect. It was released Monday, June 9, and has already been referenced as the best quesadilla-wrapped food item in the country. There are few moments during the quesarito narrative where you think: "Oh, I've made the wrong choice." As Empire Strikes Back lives in the Star Wars series, the quesarito is clearly the best.
There are two things Taco Bell does at an expert level, and they both work in harmony with burrito + quesadilla. One is crazy ass food stratification. A cross-cut of the quesarito revealed layers of ground beef, "premium Latin rice," reduced-fat (!) sour cream, a spicy chipotle sauce, all swimming inside a happy ring of cheese the color of Conan O'Brien's hair. If you end up ordering the quesarito, cut it in half. The pull-apart reveals wonders, like cutting into a geode.
The quesarito comes with a tag line.
The second thing Taco bell does brilliantly is amalgamation. No food thing can be served without being wall-to-wall inside another food. Even the nachos are barely free-standing anymore: For a time, they were served inside a tortilla that looks like a fat throwing star. Maybe it would be a smart business strategy to wrap everything in a quesadilla? You could deliver the sodas wrapped in a quesadilla, too. Also, the restaurant should be wrapped. Actually, I think it'd be a good idea if Taco Bell developed a quesadilla exoskeleton, which could have military-in-space capabilities.
I know this would be a good idea because the Quesarito is delicious. It was $1.99 (I got the ground "beef"). The chipotle sauce was legitimately spicy, and there was enough of that bright orange cheese to lava-ooze out the burrito's cross-section. When it mixed with the rice, it lit up every lobe of the brain that likes creamy things.
Side note: I firmly believe the addition of chipotle sauce was a big "fuck you" to the Chipotle franchise, which has had the "quesorito" -- a quesadilla-wrapped burrito -- as part of their secret menu for a while.
OH WELL, RIGHT? The thing that makes the quesarito is the spice, which Taco Bell deserves a slow clap for as of late. The only complaint I had was texture. It could use something crunchy. I'm sure it's fine -- there's probably someone showering Fritos all over the inside of a quesarito as we speak, which would also be fine.
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