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Top Chef Seattle: Padma Yells At Tesar, Valentine Yells At Mushrooms

Top Chef Seattle: Padma Yells At Tesar, Valentine Yells At Mushrooms

John Tesar made a classic mistake during the team-challenge QuickFire of the second episode of Top Chef: Seattle. He tried to quietly whisper to his team while Padma's boobs had the floor. Rude. So, (obviously) Padmaboobz had understandable rage. She goes, "Can you listen up?"

See also: A 'Stache, a Ginger and a Tesar: Top Chef: Seattle Features Three Badass Dallas Chefs

Madmaboobz.
Madmaboobz.

Tesar immediately shuts face. QuickFire starts. It involves a lot of things, but the stars of the QuickFire show are the geoduck and Carla Pellegrino.

Geoduck looks like this:

Carla looks like this:

Top Chef Seattle: Padma Yells At Tesar, Valentine Yells At Mushrooms

Carla's super pretty. She also super talky. By the end of the challenge, we were all wishing that someone would geoduckslap Carla, just to stop her from talking for one moment.

Tesar wins the QuickFire, and gets immunity, which means nobody makes fun of him for constantly using his forehead as a glasses case.

His forehead eyes are farsighted?
His forehead eyes are farsighted?

 

It also means that Tesar automatically makes it to the next episode! Hell yeah, Tesar!

The twist this episode is that they're bringing back old-school Top Cheffians, Stefan Richter, Josie Smith-Malave and CJ Jacobson. Yes this. I can't wait for Stefan and Tesar to get red forehead rage at each other over sous vide chicken butt or dillweed or dinosaur eggs or edible gold or whatever it'll be. TV just got so good, you guys.

Then, the regular challenge started. This one's a team challenge, too. Danyele McPherson and Josh Valentine were on the same team, which was exciting-- until the show started playing its patented here-comes-an-idiot-moment "Doop bloop a doop doop" music over their segment. They had a hard time identifying the headless fish that they were going to have to cook. But, whatever, Top Chef Show Editors-- they figured it out.

Whatever. Headless fish is hard to identify. Let's see you identify Padma without her face. Oh.
Whatever. Headless fish is hard to identify. Let's see you identify Padma without her face. Oh.

McPherson eventually goes, "It's cod." Hell yeah it is, bitches.

Then, Josh Valentine lost his mushrooms and lost his shit. He yelled at the kitchen, "Where the fuck are my mushrooms?!"

The McPherslentine team didn't win the challenge. Probably due to The Great Mushroom Kidnapping of 2012. Tesar's team won. And some dude named Jeffery Jew was kicked off, which means all three Dallas chefs are still all up in Top Chef Seattle's grill.

Episode 3 predictions: Tesar says, "Your MOM is a reverse spherification," at Valentine. McPherson smirks at the judges as edible unicorns shoot out of a rainbow in her dish. Carla talks more.


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