Everyone's favorite ultra-budget dragon tease mega-series returns for its fourth season on Sunday night. We've constructed a drinking game in its honor. I would opt for a light mead. Not wildfire.
Will Daenerys actually make it across the sea? WILL JOFFREY EVER DIE? How amazing is Brienne of Tarth? Will Davos ever learn to read? Will Jon Snow ever get back to Castle Black? Where is Bran going? Will someone wipe that smug look off Walder Frey's ancient head? Is Tyrion and Sansa the most ill-matched wedding of all time?
Alright, I'm out of questions. Here's a drinking game that will probably leave you like Sean Bean in any movie or TV show he participates in - dead. Pick and choose your favorite rules to construct your own, or just go at it like Tyrion at a banquet.
Drink for every time you wish Joffrey were dead. Not just a bit dead, but really, super, ultra-dead. Finish your drink in celebration if he actually dies.
Drink for every time Littlefinger has a boner over a Stark or an Arryn. For God's sakes Littlefinger. Go back to running Baltimore.
Drink twice for boobies, finish your drink if it's the boobies of a character you can name.
Drink throughout every amazing huge battle of awesomeness.
At the start of each episode, nominate a major character. If that character dies, everyone else has to finish their drink.
One drink per ice zombie. Two drinks if ice zombies look like they might actually get near the wall.
Drink for every time one lavishly constructed set has had more money spent on it than the entire season's budget of Louie.
Drink every time Tyrion is mindbogglingly awesome. With his quips and sideways glances he is the Maggie Smith of GoT, only he has the opposite amount of respect.
Drink every time winter is coming. WE KNOW WINTER IS COMING, ALRIGHT. I AM BRACED.
Drink every time Joffrey sits on the throne in a manner that makes you want to punch him.
Drink for every mention of the Red Wedding.
One drink for a fist fight, two drinks for incest, five for a fist fight that descends into incest.
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One drink per mention of the "iron throne". Which it turns out you can order a replica of for only $30,000 plus shipping.
Drink every time that, despite the incredible budget, something is done with CGI that wouldn't pass muster in the first Jurassic Park.
Drink every time that fat git up by the wall proves to be completely useless, and every time Jon Snow is called a bastard.
Drink every time Danaerys is called "Mother of Dragons," is unsure about her Unsullied, or definitely does not want to have sex with Ser Jorah.