An Ode to Galaxy Drive-In

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Me: "Going to the movies is so expensive, but I want to see all the newest of the movies because: yay Johnny Depp headdress.

"But I can't afford a freaking baby-sitter plus concessions plus tickets waaah waaah and more crying noises!"

Galaxy Drive-In Theatre: "Shut your whore mouth and come over here."

So I did. And lo, as Galaxy Drive-In Theatre had foretold, it was awesome. You say, "Oh, it's a far drive to Ennis." And I say, "Yep." That is the one negative part about this place. The one single thing.

Try to boil the regular movie-going experience down to one single sucky thing. That's like trying to convince a Shakira not to wear animal print. It's impossible.

Going to the regular movies is a wallet gangbang. Tickets are one million dollars, concessions are one million dollars, plus you have to share an armrest with some human you don't know and that stranger-arm-hair-touching-your-arm-hair thing happens and you almost puke up the nasty fake pump-butter you just ingested.

And who knows how many butts have been in the seat your butt is in and what have those tons of butts done in the seat you're currently in? Answers: 1) Infinity butts. 2) Everything. They did all that stuff you wish they hadn't and that no amount of Febreze can undo. A year-long time-lapse of the seat you're sitting in at the regular movie theater would surely be the scariest thing on Our Internet.

Enter: Galaxy Drive-In Theatre.

Tickets are $6 per adult, $3 per kid. And that gets you admission to a double feature of two new releases. We're not talking shitty old movies on a crappy screen either, people. We're talking Monsters University followed by Despicable Me 2 for your little pants-shitters. We're talking Lone Ranger + Man Of Steel.

OH AND DID I MENTION THE FUNNEL CAKE? THERE'S FUCKING FUNNEL CAKE UP IN HERE, PEOPLE. And, to a lesser amazing extent, Dip N Dots Ice Cream of The Future Since 1980®. And, to an even lesser amazing extent, mini-golf. I swear, this place is movie heaven.

It all starts at sundown. Get there early. Sit in the car in the seat only you and those you love have farted in. Soak in the Americana. Behold greatness.

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