Here's an idea. Maybe the government should torture terrorists with three hours of The Bachelor (including a red carpet arrival of past Bachelors and Bachelorettes) and then we'll see if they learn their lesson. Last night was the premiere of The Bachelor and our eyes were graced with 30 women stepping out of black limos wearing tight, ass-hugging dresses and trying anything to make a lasting impression on Bachelor Farmer Chris. And this writer witnessed it all. For the sake of the blog. For the sake of the blog.
Arlington's little miss Carly Waddell was no different. A handshake would not be enough for this cruise ship singer. No, don't be an idiot. Her bubblegum pink, poofy dress wouldn't be enough to catch his eye. No. She had to impress his ears, too.
Carly sang a song to Farmer Chris. A damn song. And not just any song. A song she made up. And she sang it with a Barbie karaoke machine. And that karaoke machine kept squealing. And then honestly, we heard nothing else because we were numb. It was very cruise shippy and possibly regrettable on her part. We were kind of right except there was no playing bashful about it. She came out guns blazing/high notes singing.
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The other girls poked fun at her pink dress -- mainly because it wasn't meant for the club -- but that didn't stop Carly from being her cute, quirky self.
"I do not love that there are a million bitches in this room right now," said one of the 30 contestants. OK, then.
We only saw about 30 seconds of her one-on-one conversation with Farmer Chris, where she told him she looked up unusual laws in Iowa and discovered it's illegal to be an ice cream truck driver. Hmm, we don't love that first-conversation topic, but it seemed to fit a WOMAN WHO LITERALLY SHOWED UP IN WITH A BARBIE KARAOKE MACHINE. Whatever. All's well that ends well because Farmer Chris gave her a rose by the end of the night. Granted, it was the second-to-last rose, so we about had a heart attack, but beggars can't be choosers, right?
We can only hope that eventually Carly and Farmer Chris get on an actual cruise ship, so we can see her in her natural habitat.