Some singles view Valentine's Day as an enemy to rail against, as though the calendar day itself is just waiting to sucker punch them. These are your friends who want to go somewhere very Valentine's-y and start some trouble, like make fun of the couples who are also, awkwardly attempting to get through their evening.
Others hide the day away -- assuming that if they burrow deep enough in their apartments that the the morning will turn to night, and then pass gracefully by and they will not embarrass themselves or be "outed" as single. They will prepare a lovely dinner for their pets, hit up the DVR and close the blinds.
For me the real holiday is on February 15 when all of that candy gets marked down by 50%, and you better believe that I turn that shit into a week-long celebration. So if you're just killing time until Walgreen's pulls out the orange stickers at midnight, here's a little list of places that are "Single People Safe" this Valentine's Day.
Medieval Times: I know what you're thinking, "Medieval Times is the sexiest place on earth; How could I possibly go there without a wench/stable boy?" That's where you get into trouble: overthinking. It's billed as "Dinner and a Tournament," not dinner and a movie -- everyone deserves a tournament. In a castle. And a meal that doesn't require utensils (stupid forks).
Billiard Bar There's rarely anyone at Billiard Bar -- and that's why it's perfect! Should any guy dare to bring his girlfriend to that dude ranch on Valentine's Day they'll probably break-up publicly, and while I don't like to laugh at others' misfortunes, emotional unravellings at dive bars are damn good entertainment. So is pinball, and Billiard Bar has a great Spider Man game; if Jeff is working, he'll teach you the secret to reaching multi-ball climax.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Adventure Landing Where to better reinforce your decision not to have children than an arcade that's just teaming with them all hyped up on gallons of soda? This arcade (ehem, "gaming facility") has a Sweet Heart Special tonight -- which aside from you and your best friend, will only be redeemed by dry-humping high schoolers -- in it $20 gets you passes for mini-golf, bumper cars, laser tag and 20 arcade tokens. Bam! You're on the fast track to a major league geek out in a judgement free zone.
Lakewood Landing This chill neighborhood bar has everything you need to drink with your friends, and none of the frills that would attract a kissie-face couple or a spontaneous marriage proposal at the booth next to yours. It's just booze, sir. Sweet, wonderful booze. Oh, and a really good jukebox.
Bring it On the Musical Yu-huh. I'm going there. You don't even have to shave for this one; there's zero chance of meeting Mr. Right at a musical about a movie about cheerleading. And if a fella does start sweating you, just have your friends form a human wall because he's a creeper. It's opening night for the production that celebrates spirit sticks and acrobatics equally. Dress up if you feel like it, don't if you don't. Lord knows you've watched the movie hungover in second-day sweatpants more than once; formalities are out the door.