Car Talk

Mothers are the worst people in the world. Sure, some moms aren't so bad, like the ones on Jerry Springer or the mother of JonBenet Ramsey, but they pale in comparison to mothers who don't throw their kids' comics in the trash. See, in our youth, we built up a huge comic-book collection. Our treasure trove of latex-clad heroes and villains includes all kinds of No. 1 issues. Plenty of authors and artists have signed the books, and they're each protected in plastic cases that ensure the books never dip into the lowly "near-mint" status. So how come all these old, painstakingly collected books are barely worth three bucks a pop on eBay nowadays? Well, no mother worth her salt has thrown a child's comic book in the trash since roughly 1978--thanks to a new wave of "love" and "respect" and all that bunk. Thanks a lot, moms of the world. That makes every one of the books we blew our allowance on worth jack squat since they aren't anywhere near rarities.

On the other hand, we broke a lot of toy cars as kids, and that should benefit at least a few dealers at Saturday's Metroplex Collectors' Show, which focuses on Hot Wheels and die-cast model cars. Since it's a low-cost show, don't expect to see super-rare cars like miniature Batmobiles or Bigfoot monster trucks, but the stuff for sale should be cheap enough for anyone who wants to buy dozens of cars and re-create the 20-minute car chase from The Blues Brothers. Other once-hot collectibles will be on hand, including sports cards, Barbies and Beanie Babies, and their shrunken prices will surely remind collectors of all walks how terrible mothers around the world truly are. Share our pain, please.

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sam Machkovech