D-FW on DVR: This Week's Recap of Bible Belt Television

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GCB An unexpected uptick in the ratings couldn't have come at a better time -- Sunday's new episode was GCB's sharpest and most enjoyable yet. I even remember some of the characters' names! Not that I'm going to repeat any of them to you here, because that would make matters too complicated, and you don't really care, anyway. Look at you. You're just sitting there, eating something crunchy that irritates your co-workers, and reading recaps of shows you're too lazy to watch. (Pause for silent judgment.) Back to GCB. Main character and reformed mean girl Amanda's still working at Boobylicious, but the women who used to hate her are slowly starting to warm up. That, or they're too distracted by their own domestic dah-rama to pay attention. Kristin Chenoweth's character is beginning to experience guilt regarding all the commandments she's been breaking in her quest for revenge. The "overweight" blonde lady continues to feel inadequate in her marriage to a one-time Dallas Cowboys prospect, so she decides to take up furniture assembly (from that Swedish store that she for so long thought was an airplane hangar. Nice one-liners, writers). The woman who's totally fine with being married to a gay rancher (he expects a LOT of HARD work out of his ranchhands, okayy?) starts to get jealous when Amanda helps out with a project at their family company. This task involves redesigning a jean line, doing a photo shoot, and launching a national campaign -- all of which gets done in about a day. Impossible plot devices and tired stereotypes, I can live with -- at least until the ratings start to plummet again. What I do expect from GCB's illustrious creators, though, is plenty of Annie Potts in each episode. So far, so good. She steals scenes as Gigi, the mother of Amanda who's opened her mansion, her pocketbook and, on occasion, her heart. She throws "Dress as your favorite Texan" parties. She cuts ridiculous people to the bone with very few words. There's a little bit of Julia Sugarbaker in her. Not mad at that. Dixie would be proud.

Big Rich Texas And now, it's time for a brush with our real Dallas divas and daughters, forever glamming-n-grinning on the Style Network's blockbuster lineup. This week's eppi is all about the battle between two bastions of local, probably e-book-based literature. Evil witch Pam is celebrating the release of her conspiracy theory book, Hard Whispers 2: The China Syndrome. (Note to self: Find out what a "hard whisper" is.) But there's another author in the midst -- Pam's blonde-haired, slack-mouthed enemy Bonnie, who's penned her fifth (FIFTH!) teen detective novel. Bonnie's release party comes first in the show; seems like a drab event until the aloud-reading ends and cocktails are served. But it can't hold a candle to the shindig for Pam, thrown by an important group called "the Fashionistas." Pardon me if I don't know who they are. They seem to be as powerful as the mob. Pam's party's hoppin' until Bonnie shows up and makes a glass-breaking spectacle. It has nothing to do with them being rival authors. They'd never shit on lit like that. This spat has more to do with Bonnie's theory that Pam has been cyber-bullying her under an assumed name. If I didn't already tell you, these are grown-ass women. Moving on ...

American Idol There's way too much "Jesus Take the Wheel" on my DVR these days. Kristin Chenoweth took it to the church rafters a couple of weeks ago on GCB. Then, last night on Idol, our North Texas Great Diva Hope, Hollie Cavanagh, did a rendition of it. And she definitely didn't suck. The power notes were there, even if important lyrics weren't (Yeah, the car-spinning-out-of-control thing should probably be left in. Jesus has too many wheels to take for there not to be a good reason. Plus he's pretty busy shining his ever-loving light on that Colton guy. Eye roll.). Where Hollie shined more was in the trio performance. She joined Jessica Sanchez (whom I call "Magic Fingers") and Miranda-Lambert-worshipper Skylar Laine on a Madonna medley. It allowed Hollie to let her hair down a little. Gave her an additional "moment," even if Randy Jackson didn't belabor the obvious by calling it that. She's probably safe from elimination tonight. Bless his sweet girl voice, but we hope that bouncy curly-headed fuck, DeAndre, takes an early exit. Him or Hee-Jun. Or both.

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