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D-FW on DVR: What Doesn't Kill Us ...

Am I crazy, or did a singular theme run through all mah stories this week? That's right; women empowered themselves and each other like it was going out of style (network). See for yourself:

Big Rich Texas Season finale, y'all, and the claws? Sharpened. Bonnie began to recover from her post-nose-job Vicodin bender, just in time to feel threatened by grown-ass daughter Whitney's move to California. Pam, however, miraculously found a warm spot inside her heart cockles long enough to let Whitney live in her daughter's California apartment for a little bit longer. Along with that came sage advice: Stop dreaming about a tit job, and get a real one. See? Pam's seemingly using her overabundant confidence for good, finally. But Bonnie sees it as meddling. I'd say she smells something fishy, but her nose is obviously covered with a comedic bandage for the entire episode. It's even there, taunting my funny bone as the two moms come to public blows at the grand opening of Connie's new consignment store location. But Bonnie gets the last laugh on her way out the door, making a joke about Pam's camel toe. Pamel toe? [Question for editor: Can typing "Pamel toe" get me sued?]

GCB The possibly-next-to-last-ever episode of the Dallas-centric ABC comedy (we still haven't gotten word regarding its fate) started out very strong and went a little long. But we can forgive that if the writers keep inserting references to Cowboys Stadium and jokes about men who know their way around a sausage. This week, the warring women came together to enter a previously sexist men's-only team barbecue competition. Despite the event being faith-based, the gals got away with naming their team "Spicy Racks," and eventually pulled off an historic victory. Next week's finale is dubbed "Revelation," so we're likely to see what scandals might be a-brewin' for a possible second season. We're rooting for the ladies - they've become a cherished Sunday night dessert at this point. Real Housewives of Orange County For once, all the women played nicey-nicey as former North Texan Gretchen Rossi made her Pussycat Doll debut in Vegas. Honestly, it's escaping us as to how they held their bleached and botoxed smiles together during the show. Gretch should look into whisper-singing if she takes another stage, God help us. She gave us fever, alright, followed by the chills. She might need a reality check from someone like Atlanta housewife Nene, who once again stole everyone's thunda on the latest episode of 'Glee.' Let's hope for a Coach Roz Washington app to assist us in giving our enemies the business.

Mad Men Still no North Texas conneksh, but it's worth mentioning only because it's THE BEST SHOW EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD AND IT SOMEHOW KEEPS GETTING BETTER. We thought Roger's LSD trip couldn't be topped, and then this week we had got the party scene in which he was Sally Draper's de facto date. They were so cute together too, until she spied on him receiving a very grown-up party favor from her new step-grandmother. [I have no idea why I decided not to use the term "blowjob" just now. Am I getting soft? Metaphorically?] But let's step away from Roger and toward a strange shift for Peggy. Before, she seemed to latch onto the aloofness and effortless brilliance of her ad-man mentor, Don. Yet, now that her career isn't in tip-top shape, she's moving mentally to the next goal - domestic bliss. And her role model in the quest is ... Joan!? Easy to understand, in a way, but does Peggy realize that the redhead before her is now separated and sharing her flat with a newborn and a worry-wart mother? Let's keep an eye on this. As if we had a choice. American Idol and The Voice Hollie's still in it! And, judging from last night's powerhouse performances, SHE'S GOTTA HAVE IT, RYAN! The momentum could end during tonight's results show, though. The sexy Dave Matthews impersonator (never thought I'd use that phrase in life) and the convulsive backwoods belter seem like a lock for the final. Whatever happens, it should be a little less anti-climactic than next week's Voice matchups. The NBC hit will see its awesome Janis Joplin 2.0 gal, Juliette Sims, take on three guys I can't even remember right now. She'll win, if there's any semblance of justice in the reality-TV realm.

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Hunter Hauk