Please remove your blinders and pay attention for a second because what you witnessed on Sunday night’s second season premiere of Bachelor in Paradise was not real.
A somewhat elaborate ceremony to join Dallas native Marcus Grodd and his BIP sweetheart Lacy Faddoul in holy freakin’ matrimony was fake.
How do we make this clearer for you? The knot was not tied. There was no hitching. The marriage is not legal. The vows were pointless. Host Chris Harrison, who performed the ceremony, may not even be an ordained minister or officiant or human being for that matter. He’s basically a well-oiled, handsome robot going through the motions and marrying any two people holding roses in their hands. The point is the entire thing was a damn lie and we are outraged because we trusted that TV show.
During the first hour of Bachelor in Paradise, a spinoff of the Bachelor and Bachelorette franchise, where rejects from past seasons spend time in Mexico with a lot of booze to try and get to know one another, Grodd and Faddoul were married in front of their family, God, America, ocean crabs and the dozen contestants on this season.
Host and supposed ordained minister Harrison did the entire thing. Read your vows. Say I do. Kiss your bride, he said, just like a minister robot would. But according to TMZ, the couple does not have a marriage license in Mexico or America, so please just put us down now.
It all seemed so real, though. Grodd wore a white suit, Faddoul wore a white gown, onlookers cried of happiness — or too many Sex on the Beach cocktails — and Faddoul even threw her bouquet to the eager remaining BIP hopefuls.
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The BIP contestants, who Faddoul and Grodd had never met before but who were attending their wedding, said things like, “We’ve heard so many great stories about them and everyone thinks they’re the best together,” and “I can literally feel their connection right now,” and other legit and beautiful and profound things.
But not only was the wedding a complete and utter lie and a shot to our Bachelor confidence, but it looks like Grodd and Faddoul won’t even sign a license anytime soon because Grodd is away finishing his Coast Guard training.
God bless our troops, or whatever, but we’re pissed and want our
money time trust back.
An email to Grodd’s rep was not immediately returned.