Dallas Themed Costumes for the Half-Broke Halloween Goer

Celebrating Halloween has become an expensive venture. The price of candy jumps every Halloween and never seems to fall back to its pre-holiday levels. Throwing a party can cost not only a lot in booze, food and party favors, but one drunk dressed as Superman who thinks a cape means he can fly can boost your house insurance premiums. Store-bought costumes can cost as much as a black market kidney. 

Yet you can save some money without sacrificing your Halloween celebration. Sure, you can't affect the price of cocoa, and no one can prevent their friends from trying to break the laws of physics, but there is a way to cut spending on costumes. Instead of buying a disguise or even constructing your own satirical fashion statement, we've come up with some costume ideas based on some of the year's most notable local names that require little to no clothing changes or tailoring knowledge. 
Former DA Susan Hawk 
Are you thinking about going to your next Halloween party as the now ex-Dallas County district attorney but don't have the dough to blow on a short blonde wig or an expensive lawyer suit? Thankfully, you don't need either of those things to portray the former DA who took "sick leave" to a whole new level and left.

The preparation for this costume starts long before the party begins. As soon as you receive the invitation, RSVP with your acceptance and make sure everyone knows your time of arrival. Then arrive super late to the party and don't explain why you couldn't make it. Have some friends who you know will be there tell anyone who asks that you're probably just late from your vacation. When the host and your fellow party-goers question your whereabouts, walk through the door and make your presence known. Wait a few minutes and quietly slip out the back door before coming back in two more times to announce your presence. Quietly leave one more time and call your host just before the end of the party to say you regret you weren't able to stay, but the governor will be appointing someone to come drink their booze. 

Open Carry Gun Advocate Kory Watkins
The man who made carrying a high-powered rifle during a 7-Eleven Slurpee stop a national talking point may not have been in the news recently, but his recent comeback doing something asinine on video on the streets of Deep Ellum reminded us how much we missed him and his high caliber high jinks.

You can honor the 15 minutes of fame that made him and gun-toting Chipotle customers like him a late night news punchline. Simply sling a high-powered rifle or firearm over your shoulder so you look like you're going to storm a DXL at dawn that's occupied by ISIS and walk around the room as though it's part of your body. If you can spend a few extra bucks, buy a pair of dad-bod shorts and a secondhand Banana Republic fedora to complete the look. From the looks of it, dropping a buck-fifty at your local Goodwill should be enough to procure these costume pieces.
Ethan "Affluenza Boy" Couch
Are you planning on getting so drunk this Halloween that the law may be required to hold you accountable for actions? Then you're already halfway done with this costume. 

Simply show up to any party and be the most obnoxious, uncaring and thoughtless person you know you are capable of being thanks to alcohol. When everyone gets good and pissed and ready to drop the hammer on you, have your mom stop by and sneak you out the back door. 
Sen. Ted Cruz 
You can actually buy a Ted Cruz mask if you wanted to go as the former presidential hopeful and soup hoarder. However, there's a better way if you can't afford it or don't want your fellow guests to think you're the Zodiac killer

Find the most popular guest in your party and do your best to make everyone like you more than them. It's even more accurate if you can do it in ways that would creep out even the most hearty soul like doing awkward impressions of Simpsons characters or letting an unidentified white mass fall from your mouth while you speak. When that fails, pretend as though you're going to pledge your undying friendship to them but never do so until you need a ride home. 

Mayor Mike Rawlings 

Are you one of those people who start a lot of sentences with phrases like "I'm not a prude, but..."? Then you're already halfway to becoming Dallas' number one porn-buster

Make sure you go to a party where some of your fellow guests are dressed in more suggestive costumes. Spend the entire night trying to throw a sheet over them to cover their shame and protect the children regardless of whether there are any children in attendance. When guests object to your behavior, have the party hosts escort them off of the premises in the most expensive and embarrassing way possible. Try to get a federal court involved for that extra touch of authenticity. 
Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton 
This one's the easiest costume of them all. Just make an ass of yourself, and when people object, blame it all on politics
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Danny Gallagher has been a regular contributor to the Dallas Observer since 2014. He has also written features, essays and stories for MTV, the Chicago Tribune, Maxim, Cracked, Mental_Floss, The Week, CNET and The Onion AV Club.