4

Do Not Let Kim Kardashian Dress Your Infant.

^
Keep Dallas Observer Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Dallas and help keep the future of Dallas Observer free.

Kim Kardashian 2012
When I heard that Kim Kardashian had a new baby collection coming out, I assumed it was a formal announcement that she was about to birth multiples.

As it turns out, she is not going to birth a collection of babies, but has in actuality created a line of baby clothing for Babies R Us. It's really the perfect fit. Who better to create flattering clothing for giant baby-diapered asses than a woman who is known for her spectacularly giant ass?

Whether your baby is going to The Club or Da Club, the Kardashian Kids line will help her fit right in. Behold a list of the actual items in the Kardashians' baby clothing line:

Girls black leatherette skirt (with diaper cover). Does your baby need something to wear to the pacifier rave this weekend? You're in luck! This black leatherette skirt is so scandalously short, it will make all the baby boys smile-shit their 6M elastic-waist pants.

Sleeveless dress with black leatherette diaper cover. The Babies R Us website says "She will make heads turn. ... The color block dress features faux stud details at each shoulder and an edgy leatherette diaper cover." Aww yeah. It's short. And the leatherette diaper cover says, "Mmm hmm, I piss myself on the daily, but at least I do it in animal-responsible clothing." Forecast calls for a baby thong diaper (and matching whale tail diaper cover) as the next piece in this classy collection. All the other babies are going to want to bone your baby. Perfect.

Leopard print onesie. Babies R Us says that with this clothing line, mom-and-baby matching outfits are a breeze. I can't wait for my leopard print onesie to show up in the mail. You laugh, but it's not like the adult onesie isn't already in fashion via the adult jumper and adult footie pajamas. Three-button adult crotch opening is the next obvious step. Those Kardashians, always just ahead of the curve. (Or on a sex tape.)

Leatherette panel leggings and black biker jacket. The pants are skintight, and the jacket "features faux stud details, making the statement piece edgy, yet safe for everyday use." Oh, thank God it's safe for everyday use. In this black leatherette outfit, your baby is sure to fuck shit up. She'll probably start her own gang, making money for rent by selling expired Cheerios (aka baby crack cocaine) to all her ne'er-do-well baby friends.

Everyone knows that a sexy baby is the best kind of baby. Enjoy this time while you have it -- before you know it, your leatherette-d bundle of dump will be an adult with daddy issues.

Keep the Dallas Observer Free... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Dallas with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.

 

Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.