Down for the Count

AARP be damned. Evander Holyfield, the first and only four-time world heavyweight boxing champion, returns to the ring with more than mere fights or paychecks on his mind, promising reporters last month that he will again become "the undisputed heavyweight champion." You know, one with a 1-3-1 record for the past five years.

Then again, his camp still has faith in Holyfield's gloves, which turn 44 years old in October. In 1991, he barely beat the 42-year-old George Foreman, so Holyfield has reason to believe his own veteran shot has merit. Nearly two years of rest have finally allowed the slugger's wonky shoulders to recover from repeated surgeries. And he recently proved his athletic prowess (or some form of it) by grooving on last year's Dancing with the Stars—though really, anybody can dance well compared to Master P.

But Holyfield's latest fight is in Dallas, not New York (where he's been banned because of, yup, health concerns) and not Vegas (where he's no longer under Don King's poofy-haired wings), against Jeremy Bates, who is such a spare that even his manager recently called him a "no-name fighter." Evander, the road to the belt doesn't work if you drive 40 mph in the slow lane, old man. Enjoy the spectacle (and six other bouts full of local boxers) at 8 p.m. at the American Airlines Center, 2500 Victory Ave. Tickets are $35 to $200. Call Ticketmaster at 214-373-8000.
Fri., Aug. 18, 8 p.m.

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sam Machkovech