I knew a girl in South Florida with a highly unfortunate tattoo. The over-sized, Old English back piece read: "MOEW."
I asked her about the word's significance and she replied, "It's supposed to say 'MEOW.'"
The artist, she explained, put the letters on individually and showed 'em to her in a mirror -- which, in reverse, looked correct -- and she gave him the go-ahead to tatt her shit up. Tatt he did. And tatt she has. And yeah, tatt doth suck, but you've just kind of got to laugh about it. The same way I shrug off that awful tramp stamp I selected at 16... I mean...18. Or like that guy I met in Key West who had just gotten a neckpiece of a leprechaun doing a keg stand surrounded by a "sick tribal." (Ladies, line forms to the left.)
There will be a lot of former errors gracing skin tonight as ink lovers venture from the shadows for Elm Street Tattoo's mega Friday the 13th marathon.
An aside: We are not, in any way, suggesting that Elm Street Tattoo is responsible for our collective, poor skin art choices. But most of us who have tattoos regret at least one of them. And tonight, all tattoos, both good and terrible will be on display.
So! Let's do a scavenger hunt!
1.) Misspelled Words: 15 Points The holy grail of bad tatts. The only way they could be better is if you find...
2.) Misspelled Words, but Touched Up And Topped With Red, Copy-Editing, Pen Marks: 50 Points If you find this person you should make-out with them immediately, because he or she is awesome.
3.) Images of Iconic, But Unsung Heroes/Villains From '80s Films: 10 Points Getting Sloth from The Goonies, the Sandworms from Beetlejuice, or David Bowie transforming into an owl from Labyrinth are totally sleeve-worthy pics. Mark yourself down another 10 points, and then buy that person a shot.
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4.) A Famous Quote in Latin: 5 Points A Non-Famous Quote in Latin: 10 points Look for the cursive font if you want to add this to your list. Also, Latin quotes typically wrap around a wrist or upper arm, so ask someone if they know where the "gun show" is, then chalk up your victory. Here are some favorites from this list: A.) bibo ergo sum -- "I drink, therefore, I am" B.) carpe vinum, a fun take on the stuffy old carpe diem, this one means "seize the wine." C.) celerius quam asparagi cocuntur -- "More swiftly than asparagus stems are cooked."
5. A Shark Week Tattoo 100 Points, and Add Another 50 If It's a Neckpiece This is, in no way a bad tattoo. This is a ballsy, unfuckwitable, take on life honored forever through skin ink. But be warned: Much like Nessie and The 'Squatch, the Shark Week Tattoo is an illusive beast. We've all heard rumor of its existence, but to date have never collided with its greatness. Should you find it swimming through Elm Street's bars this evening, perform catch and release by taking only photographs.
Have you seen any positively absurd tattoos in you life? What was it? Let us know.