No, Betabrand. No. Substituting belt loops for drawstrings does not a trouser make. Neither does a $90 price tag. Besides, if you're going to give up on life and wear sweats to the office, don't hide behind false fleece pretenses. Embrace your slovenly ways, dribble a little gravy down the front of your "breakfast tank top" while sitting in your shame cubicle, then wait for proper judgement. That's how grown-ups handle nervous breakdowns. Not through purchasing well-tailored "sweat slacks." Available for shipping June 10.

• Fashion