Halloween seems like as good a time as any to talk human remains. Namely, what are you going to do with yours? I've always dreaded the eerily claustrophobic concept of spending eternity six feet under. Plus, there are the bugs. I can't deal.
If imagining your cremated remains tucked inside an inevitably tacky urn on someone's mantel is equally unsettling, here are some more innovative options to consider:
Put a ring on it. Diamonds are forever. Unfortunately, life is not. Which is why the folks over at LifeGem will help your loved ones turn your cremated ashes or a lock of hair into a timeless diamond.
Starting at around $2,700, the cost of entombing yourself in a diamond can run as high as $20,000, depending on how hefty you want your family jewels to get. If turning your cremated carbon to carats lights your fire, you can check out LifeGem's "patented process" and pre-order here.
Light up the night. If you're the type who'd rather go out with a bang, why not add a fireworks show to the graveside service? Heavens Above Fireworks provides a variety of ways to send your ashes skyward. They'll design a special fireworks display that incorporates your remains or give you a rocket for self-firing to use as part of your own explosive choreography. And don't worry, Heavens Above Fireworks doesn't discriminate based on species; they'll accommodate your pet's ashes, too. So Sparky won't have to go out with out a spark.
Under the sea. "It seems more of a beginning than an ending," the website of Eternal Reefs boasts. They specialize in incorporating cremated human remains into a concrete mix that eventually becomes an environmentally safe "memorial reef." The reef is then placed under water where it "is used to create new marine habitats for fish and other forms of sea life." Becoming a fish's new home isn't free. Memorial reefs cost between $3,000 and $7,000.
Life is short. Remind someone. Don't worry about being hidden inside an unsightly urn. Instead, remind your loved ones daily that their time is running out, too. For only 400 bucks you can have your ashes placed inside a keepsake hourglass where you can then be sifted from one side to the other on someone's desk forever. Or at least for as long as someone remembers to flip your "Forever Treasured" hourglass. Order yours here.
Never stop spinning. Love music? Want to leave a message from beyond the grave? Or would you just like someone to have the pleasure of knowing what kind of pops and crackles your smoldered remains will make when they are pressed into vinyl? At Andvinyly, you have all these options and more. They will take your remains (or those of your pets), press them into a vinyl recording, and even help you design the cover art. All they need from you are some ashes and 24-minutes of audio.
Keep the Dallas Observer Free... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Dallas with no paywalls.