Roger Peters and Jessica Cramer are married homeowners who just might be superhuman. In addition to their day jobs — Peters is a director and owner of Equilateral Films, Cramer is a freelance producer and one of the most calm and organized people you’ll ever meet — they also remodeled their home, cook three-course meals, make their own Italian Soda and still find time to be two of the most kind and decent human beings you’ll ever meet. Oh yeah, and they’re fearless. They’ll try anything in home remodeling or in life and you don’t really see that kind of fearlessness often, so it’s worth noting. Also worth noting? All the things that are noted below. HAHAHAHAH. Such a clever segue! Anyway, here’s a list of things they did that might prove useful in your life, especially if you ever decide to gut yo’ house.
It’s taken Peters and Cramer four years to completely gut and remodel their house. They did a ton of the work themselves, but they also have brains and knew when to call in a contractor.
Peters and Cramer combed Pinterest for inspiration and had a board for every room. Hooray!! The rest of us aren’t inept!! Talented people use Pinterest too!
The first thing they did before they moved in was gleefully rip out the likely original wall-to-wall carpet because there isn’t enough Febreze on earth to make that shit okay.
After they moved in, their first project was the glass brick wall in the master bath. They were apprehensive because they lived through the 1980s (cue silhouetted sax player), but the mix and match mosaic is flawless. Have an idea? Do it. There’s nothing that can’t be undone.
The master bathroom is the size of an actual palace. It was originally a bathroom and a tiny baby room off the master, but they knocked down the wall so they’d have enough room to roller skate…and, like, relax or whatever.
The only time Peters and Cramer locked horns with their contractor was when he pushed for a glass shower door in the master. Peters felt it was too postmodern and didn’t belong in the house. Moral of the story? Stay true to your vision, kids. Also, have the money and call the shots.
Peters lined the walls in the hallway with shiplap. His daily dilemma? Should he stain it or not? What do you think? Send your answer to email@example.com.
Throughout their remodel, the couple intentionally took out a lot of closets, thereby eliminating places to store unnecessary stuff and junk. Up next, matching “Declutter or Die” tattoos ... on their boobs. Odd choice.
They wanted a big, open space and they got it. Now let’s see how these two little lovebirds filled it up with their Favorite 5…
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BUILT IN FLOATING SHELF
Originally the living room had a built-in bookshelf that was big and bulky so it had to go. As a matter of fact, it was the last original thing to go so they probably played a lot of really sad songs while they removed it. In its place — the new, super sleek, floating shelf that’s minimal and raised off the floor to create an airy vibe. Ever Rogical (Roger + Logical), Peters settled on the dimensions by actually measuring the stuff that needed to go in the thing. Thinking ahead? Why not?!
Peters’ grandfather was a geology professor who started making stained glass for shits and gigs after he retired. He had a natural talent and amassed quite a collection. After he passed away, Peters and Cramer inherited the bulk of the collection because like we’ve said before, they’re really smart and called dibs.
Sit tight, we’re pulling into Duh City, Population: This Pantry. Notice it’s shallow and wide so you can see everything all at once. Kind of convenient when you’re trying to fix dinner and don’t feel like digging for ingredients. It’s also lined with cedar, a natural insect and mold repellent, plus it doesn’t have any doors. Oh yeah, that’s because bugs aren’t big on light so no doors = light = no bugs in the place you need them the least.
The couple had a few mandatories for this room, a big shower, a soaking bathtub and dimensions that were roughly big, ass and bathroom. Originally there wasn’t much light so they added the glass brick to let the light shine in without letting their nakedness shine out. Too bad perverts!!
DINING ROOM TABLE
Peters and Cramer wanted one big room so they opened up the formal dining room. They priced modern tables that looked handmade and then realized they could actually just hand make one for less. Peters made the tabletop removable so it could be swapped out with a Ping Pong top at a moment’s notice, because you never know when you’ll need to settle a score.