Five Reality TV Shows We Wish Would Crash Our Parties

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The Sundown's rooftop deck was packed with well-wishers last night. We piled up to congratulate the Granada's crew on eight great years in Dallas. What nobody predicted before arrival was that a tiny cluster of girls would require much of the available space. Yes, Courtney Loves Dallas was filming during the party, so collisions with cameramen and attempting to stay out of shots by any squirrely means possible became the evening's new focal point.

As best I can tell, the plot of Courtney Loves Dallas, goes like this: Courtney and her Uptown ladygang have long, meaningful conversations all over Dallas while staying relatively sober.


I will never watch that show. I want trash, especially if it's going to invade our limited patio space. It got me thinking: Which film crews would be welcome at any party? Here's my five picks. 1.) Bad Girl's Club Janice just pissed off the roof. The particulars of how she did it are really something that can only be witnessed, rather than retold. On the other side of the patio, Danielle doesn't like the way that cameraman is looking at her. The show's managers are trying to calm her down, but everyone knows that Danielle has been drinking since breakfast last Tuesday. And this is another in a long run of psychotic fits that will spill out of her unsettled Id during the night's filming. With so much of the show's staff dedicated to quelling Danielle's demons, Janice was left unattended. She's now wrestling with an SMU bro in the jambalaya buffet.

2.) Hoarders -- Open Bar Edition The camera zooms in on Jenny, a sweet but awkward girl who's surrounded by dozens of empty plastic Solo cups. Jenny's phone alarm is going off, alerting her that the open bar closes in 13 minutes. She gathers her "treasures," stacking them neatly before crushing them into her pockets, handbag and elastic waistline, then makes her way over for a few more armfuls of complimentary cocktails. Her family and friends are worried about her: this is her third open bar tonight. Jenny, on the other hand, don't give a shit.

3.) My Strange Addiction -- Casting Call Ryan can't stop dryhumping wicker furniture -- Lord knows he's tried. There's just something about how smoothly it's woven, plus it has a little give when he presses into it. Yes, it's keeping him from finding happiness and intimacy in real relationships, ...or is it? Amber, who is eating leaves off of vining plants like a human-koala hybrid, seems a little interested. Do I see an MSA romance blooming? Now that's some must-see TV. 4.) Intervention Yeah, it's a terribly depressing show that's barely tolerable viewing in your own house, but there's something about pairing it with a big party, a rooftop, and an open bar that makes the whole idea feel dangerous and magical.

For one night the Sundown is transformed into an elevated island of potential plot twists as Jerry's family corners him. He's huffed so much paint thinner that he doesn't think it's odd when his 7th grade gym teacher, his high school girlfriend, his aunt and uncle from Wichita Falls and his mom are all at the party, guarding the exits. Those closest to Jerry didn't come here for the jambalaya: their ambitions don't have a carb component.

5.) Cheaters -- Hair Dresser Edition Yes, this show needs to happen. Yes, I want that van to pull up at every party I ever attend. Here's how it would play out: Andi hasn't been as happy with Pam's haircuts lately. They're expensive and a little more trendy than she's comfortable with. Also, she thinks her bangs look a little crooked, but when she confronts Pam about this, she's informed that they're meant to be that way.

Frustrated, broke, and needing highlights, Andi decides to go to ... another stylist. As soon as she does it, she's filled with regret and constant hairanoia. It's only a matter of time until Pam finds out she cheated. And when it happens, it's going to be explosive.

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