Get Thee Behind Me, Cookie

Can't legally buy crack. Noooo, that would be bad. Grass, heroin, X, speed? Go directly to jail. But cookies? Not only has the DEA failed to regulate these highly addictive, waistline-destroying sugar bombs, some wicked people are even teaching classes on how to bake them at the Central Market cooking school at Lovers Lane and Greenville Avenue from 10 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. on Wednesday. Ginger snaps! Chocolate-dipped Florentine shortbread! OHMIGOD, LEMON BARS! What's next, a lesson on how to turn cold tablets and drain cleaner into crank? We ask you: In the Bush, get-right-with-Juheezus, hate-the-sin, jail-the-sinner, wide-assed America, how can this be allowed? Go on, you libertines, call 214-361-5754 to register. Pay your $45 fee, you hedonists. Oh, and drop us by some lemon bars when you're done. Please? We need it, baby. We need it real bad.
Wed., March 22, 10 a.m.-12:30 p.m.
KEEP THE DALLAS OBSERVER FREE... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Patrick Williams is editor-in-chief of the Dallas Observer.
Contact: Patrick Williams