I'mma Pass on the Bathing Suit, But Spanx for Asking.

Hey ladies (and mid-40s Dallas douchebags), you ever skooch yourself into the sausage-casing that is Spanx? Yeah, us too. And we just discovered that Spanx, who brought you the shapewear that made you look un-muffin-toppy and awesome in that fancy outfit you wore recently, has a swimwear line. Yep. They're making Spanxing suits.

The Spanx website exclaims, "It's shapewear you can swim in!" The idea sounds good in theory: Nobody wants to look crappy in a bathing suit, right?

But, we fear the reality of the situation would be miserable at best. A bathing suit just offers too many places for the Spanx-ed stuff to squeeze out.

Please refer to Fig. 1 after the jump.

Fig. 1

I'mma Pass on the Bathing Suit, But Spanx for Asking.
Alice Laussade/Spanx

Don't get us wrong, we're pretty sure you'd be totally hot from bellybutton to underboobs. But everywhere else, things just have no other option but to be a trainwreck, right?

On the plus side, maybe these suits have the patented Spanx pee hole. Sure would make peeing at/in the pool waaaaay easier.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

Newsletters

All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories
    Send: