Insert "Roasted Chestnut" Joke Here

For your sake and the sake of your family, it’s best that you decompress before daring to spend an extended amount of time with them, gathered around turkey and sides for a dinner that’s awkward or boozy or chilly or just, God, Mom, stop. So before you make that icy trek this year take an evening to let your freak flag fly. Broads and Panties Burlesque has joined forces with Trees, 2709 Elm St., to bring you Nearly Naked Nutcracker (because a fully naked one would just be cringe-worthy, and not as alliterative). On the Nearly Naked Nutcracker playbill: aerial acrobatics by Bethany Summersizzle, whose name sadly bucks the holiday theme; Red Snapper and Mr. Snapper from Los Angeles; and Lisa Cannon, your Miss Texas Pole Star for 2013. It’ll be a night full of halls getting decked, bells being jingled, cookies dunking and any other holiday innuendo you can concoct in your pervy little skull. Doors open at 7 p.m. Saturday. Tickets are $20 in advance and $25 at the door. Visit for more information.
Sat., Dec. 21, 2013
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Luke Darby
Contact: Luke Darby