August 17, 2011 | 11:49am
But when the makers of Itty Bitty Bra
say that "Many whom nature 'blessed' with less than a 'B' cup size are underserved by today's bra choices," we can't help but want to punch them in their tiny, tiny tits.
The small-boobed are "underserved?" Have to disagree. We can concede that finding a small bra is just as much of an ass-pain as finding a larger bra. Bras suck. It's a fact. Finding the perfect bra is like finding a unicorn eating a corn dog in a haystack: totally awesome, but a serious (sometimes lifelong) quest.
We don't have a problem with the idea of the product. Everyone should have equal opportunity to find the perfect personal honker holster. But, we are kind of weirded out by their marketing strategy.
The name "Itty Bitty Bra" is way too cutesy wootsy for a grown-lady bra. Especially if you're trying to convince the small-meloned that this is an adult-type bra and they need not shop in the juniors section anymore. "Itty Bitty Titty Committee" memories, anyone? Middle school heckles are the worst.
And they just came out with a new line, called Flatter Me Bra, "designed specifically for plus-sized women with small breasts" and which "features the same meticulous quality design that provides accurate sizing for superior comfort and fit while preventing gaping or puckering." It appears to us that the only difference, then, between the two lines of bras is that the Itty Bitty Bras only go up to a size 38B and the Flatter Me Bra line starts at 40AA. Not sure why they needed to name the line something completely different. Couldn't it just be "Itty Bitty Bra now offering up to size 48B! Hell yeah! This bra is The Tits!"
They're also following the less-fabric-equals-more-expensive logic: Their cheapest bra will run you $50. But, hey, maybe that's a small price to pay to find your own personal corn-dog-eating unicorn bra.