Prepare for Dallas' Pending Santa Flash Mob with this Handy Training Video

Remember when flash mobs were vibrant movements staged so that others would see the wonder and magic possible in everyday life? That was short-lived.

"Wonder" and "magic" aren't drunk enough rallying points for most of us, case in point: this flash mob training video, leaked by Santa Rampage.

Happening on Saturday, December 15, at yet-to-be-disclosed locations around Dallas, Rampage is an excuse for holiday festoonery and shock-value excess. You, the general public, can select which side you'll play on -- costumed holiday street gang or the imposed upon, casual drinker whose watering hole was just inundated by 300 Santas, deepthroating candy canes.

But my question is this: What if you did both? What if you learned this terrible dance that my druncle invented three weddings ago, then just tucked it away in your magical bag of tricks? If your bar of choice becomes infested with Santas on the 15th, you can shock them by already knowing the moves. You have time, so let's jazz this thing up. Throw in some Kid 'n Play. The worm. Keep a piece of cardboard and a helmet in your purse, then bust out a windmill during that bogus electric slide bit. Go ahead, put Santa in his place.

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