Seven Homes in Dallas You Will (Probably) Never Own

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Do you remember about a month ago when I first complained about being an underpaid journalist? You joined my father in the knowing chuckle of someone saying, "You could've been an accountant." Let's ignore the cliches about hindsight for a second, while I present to you homes that neither you nor my father can afford in this month's edition of "How are there so many rich people in Dallas?"

4939 Manson Court Does anyone ever really need 10 bedrooms? Apparently not, because this home has been on the market for 448 days. It costs $29.5 million, which according to Zillow is eleven thousand percent more than the average Preston Hollow home. Here's some perspective: One time, my brother-in-law took my sister to dinner at Abacus. To this day he complains about that $400 dinner. For the cost of the above home, he could eat at Abacus 73,750 times. That's three times a day for an average person's life. And just for the record, I'm single, don't own a home and have never eaten at Abacus. Do with that what you will, Dallas bachelors.

9806 Inwood Road Mandalay, Tara, Monticello, Versailles, Camelot. Fancy houses deserve equally fancy names. This beauty has six bedrooms, 10 baths and calls itself Dans Bois Crte. No, not Dance Boy Court. If you want to live here, you're going to have to adopt a French accent and hire a butler named Rodney. Oh, and you'll have to shell out $19.5 million. Pas cher, oui?

4644 Park Ln. That picture is a real photo meant to "show off" this $18.3 million estate on Park Lane. Normally I wouldn't make fun of someone for making such sad choices, but this 1930's mansion sits on 8.4 wooded acres. And because $18.3 million. Browsing these atrocious photosis bound to be one of the saddest things you'll do today.

4009 W. Lawther Drive Perhaps the most newsworthy item on this list, which is otherwise a total waste of your time, is that this house is still on the market. Let's revisit the downstairs Bowling Alley/Olympic size swimming pool/private putting green/10 acres on Bachman Creek dream house. It's only $19 million. That makes the mortgage payment only slightly more than my net worth.

9639 Hollow Way Rd. There's a rather steep drop off with this Preston Hollow home. If I were to tap into the knowledge I have as a recently self-appointed real estate aficionado, I would admit that this one does seem $6 million less impressive than the previous homes. Only six bedrooms? What is this, Detroit? No, it's not. It's Dallas, by god, where D Magazine tells its readers what $2 million buys you. And if we're being honest, Hollow Way, those $2 million homes look as impressive as you do.

4650 Meadowood Rd. This house is situated in a "park like setting." And while I'm not sure what that means, it does have six bedrooms, nine bathrooms, and "extensive custom appointments." Again, I'm pretty lost on the lingo, but if I had $8.9 million I'd live in this house for that bright red wallpaper alone.

4511 Watauga Rd. Take a good look at that photo and then forget it as quickly as you can. Never again will you see a fireplace next to a bathtub. Nothing says luxury quite like capping off a long day at the country club with a bubble bath, some smooth jazz and the crackle of a wood-burning fireplace. But the house costs $7.5 million, so you should probably just block out the fact that for some people in the world, that dream is a reality.

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