Sign Up for A Boot (Camp) In Your Butt

My friend Kelly and I have been taking Boot Camp with Will from Power 212 on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 7 a.m. for the past three weeks. And we've lived to tell about it.

First of all, it's a small miracle I can even type after Boot Camp. Ninety percent of my body is sore including the mouthpart that does all the whining. I have literally delivered one metric ton (1,000 kilograms) of whining on Will, the Boot Camp instructor. (You're welcome for that. You will look like an absolute saint to him by comparison.) Some of my favorite lines are, "Is there a modification for this?" "I can't feel my legs." "Good, I hope I do pass out." And finally, "YOU'RE NOT MY MOM!"

The only thing you need for Boot Camp is a set of workout clothes, shoes and maybe a jock strap. I'm not sure about that last thing as I don't have a peepee and all my parts generally stay in place. You will need hand weights so hear me this: Don't pretend you're She-Ra. Get the five pounders. You'll thank me, I swear.

We work out on AstroTurf which is nice because there's no itchy grass. But for some reason, Will is obsessed with bear crawls, push-ups and other things that make your hands raw-ish so bring fingerless gloves if you're macho, yet delicate. Like me.

Every workout is different so you never get bored and we've even been promised a pool workout (available at the Clairevista location only. Location information available at the way end of this little write-up). If you ask nicely, or whine loud enough, Will lets you listen to music so he's not all bad. (Except he is! That's just my sore quads talking, though. Don't listen to them.)

Despite all those previous words and the ones that are coming up next, Boot Camp is a story best told in pictures so please, enjoy.

Will lifts me ironically against my will. You pick up "your buddy" and do squats with them on your back. Yamahama.

Here I am fake puking behind a tree. We haven't had to do this yet, but we've come mighty close. Honestly, you can't be too prepared.

I use my tiny flippers to flip a tire. Every Friday is Tire Flip Friday. Lucky, lucky us.

Here, I demonstrate escaping the camp while Will looks on in disdain. This is not an actual exercise; it never hurts to have an exit strategy.

Will calls these "Buddy Exercises." We call them "Crotch Faces."

If you have a strong gag reflex, stop reading now. Because I'm about to get a little "grrl power."

Here's the deal, Boot Camp is tough. Like as tough as the leather on Donatella Versace's face. But it's worth it. It's something you'll look at and say, "Oh I can't do that." But you can and you do and you feel amazing when it's done. It's more than a workout; it's empowering. I never thought I could get up at 6 a.m. to make it there at 7 a.m., let alone power through an hour of squat thrusts, tricep kick-backs, butt kicks and more. But I did it. And you can, too. And at 8 a.m. it's all over. Hallelujah.

The details: Power 212 offers Boot Camp at two locations. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 7 a.m. at Clairevista Vitality Club (I always want to call it Clairevista Social Club), 2001 Sylvan Avenue, or on the same days at 9 a.m. at Northway Christian Church, 7202 W. Northwest Highway. If you want to join either location, just show up and your instructor will take it from there.

Boot Camps are $15 a class for one month, $12 a class for two months and $10 a class for three months. Showers are available at the Clairevista location. All you have to do is join the gym. $50 month-to-month membership, with no thousand-year commitment. Plus you'll have access to the gym and The Belmont pool all month long. At first glance, Boot Camp and gym prices might seem steep, but they're a small price to pay for not having to suck-it-in ever again...or at least for the length of the camp. Plus, the first week is free.

Try it out...or any boot camp for that matter. You just might surprise yourself. I know I did.

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