I'm gonna go out on a very short, safe limb here and say that the Ten Tenors
are the lamest Australian export since garage-rock poseurs the Vines. The type of group that makes soccer moms giggle like school girls, the Tenors fit nicely in any housewife's "music" collection somewhere after the three B'sJames Bland (er, Blunt), Andrea Bocelli and Michael Bublé. Genetically engineered in an evil laboratory somewhere in Queensland, the Tenors were most likely created by cloning and splicing DNA from A) a high school show choir, B) Josh Groban's quivering uvula and C) Barry Manilow's prostate. Their latest album, the not-so-cleverly titled best-of compilation Tenology
, contains the requisite popera selections alongside a cover of "Bohemian Rhapsody" that may or may not make you want to microwave a kitten and makes Constantine Maroulis' American Idol
version sound downright tolerable in comparison. So if you notice a dark, foreboding cloud over the Dallas skyline next week, it's probably because the Ten Tenors have ushered in the end times at the Majestic Theatre, 1925 Elm St., where they'll be performing Tuesday through Sunday, March 5 at 8 p.m., with 2 p.m. matinees March 4 and March 5. Tickets are $15 to $60. Call 214-631-ARTS or visit ticketmaster.com
Feb. 28-March 5, 8 p.m.; Sat., March 4, 2 p.m.; Sun., March 5, 2 p.m.