The Early Yoga Bird Gets the Butt-Sweated Worm

Tuesday I did Sunrise Yoga. It started at 6:15 a.m. which means I got out of bed at 5 a.m., which means I'm sleep-typing right now. It also means I might wander off and pee in your fridge so don't forget to lock your doors.

Sunrise Yoga was pretty awesome, pretty intense and just a little gnatty. Seriously, there were gnats. But after five or 10 minutes they got the message to amscray (that's scram in Pig Latin, you dolt).

Overall, I have to say Sunrise Yoga is the most positive thing you can do before sun-up. Even more positive than reading to blind three-legged puppies with speech impediments. Yeah, that positive.

I'm no expert on yoga, but even I know this was a Flow Yoga class which means non-stop moves for one hour. It was lead by an adorable instructor named Leo who I think should wear kitten ears everywhere she goes, but that's just me.

As we were just getting started, a cute guy joined the group in the spot right behind me and I was super excited that he got to stare at my sweaty buttstripe the entire time. Perspiring butts aside, Leo lead us through one hour of Warrior II, Downward Facing Dog, Upward-Facing Dog and a ton of other beginner-ish poses.

This class was appropriate for yogis of all skill levels. The poses were challenging enough for more advanced body benders, but not so difficult that a new recruit couldn't catch on. Leo gently corrected form and encouraged us every step of the way reminding us to breathe in and out and make that weird little sound in the back of your throat.

Her voice was super soothing and I liked that she demonstrated each pose and didn't just shout them out. I don't think she's capable of shouting. I'm pretty sure all yoga instructors have to turn in that part of their vocal chords when they get certified.

About 3/4 of the way through the class I was praying to Jumanji that it would end soon. Yoga is wonderful and relaxing, but don't be fooled -- that shit burns.

I will say that after you're done, you definitely feel lighter, smiley-er and so zen-like you might just sprout a yin-yang tattoo. This particular Sunrise Yoga class is available through Clairevista Vitality Club (yes, where I take boot camp, and no, Instructor Will is not jealous -- he is encouraging of my time spent exploring ways to create buttstripe), but guess where the class is held?

By the pool at the Belmont Hotel. For serious. If ever our little Downtown Skyline looked impressive, it's at 6:15 set against a Texas sunrise.

You're in the grass so if you don't have a yoga mat it's no big. If you do, bring it. Aside from that all you need are comfortable clothes that you can stretch in, a fitted shirt or one that tucks in unless you want to flash your tum-tum to everyone-one and an industrial alarm clock to wake up that early. Drink lots of water and bring a little for after the class.

If you're one of those professional types who needs to shower and head to the office, you get access to the showers which are pretty great as gym showers go (and just so we're clear, I'm no shill, I just got ready there 3 of 5 days last week so I'm clearly an expert on being naked there) if you are a member at Clairevista. The stalls have double curtains and the floor is paved with rounded stones. They supply lavender soap, shampoo, conditioner and hair dryers, too. And they aren't even those old-timey sit down ones.

Long story short -- if you're curious about the city before the sun comes up or what pebbles feel like in a shower, head to Sunrise Yoga. The first session is free and it's only $15 a session or $100 for 10 passes thereafter. Learn more about anything in this article by clicking this hot link. Learn more about Crunch Tators by clicking here.

Namaste, bitches.

Follow the Mixmaster on Twitter: @mixmaster.

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