Every Thursday we highlight the best comedy of the coming weekend. Find more comedy events at dallasobserver.com/calendar.
All Star Comedy Jam at Verizon Theatre Since this jam has been going strong for four years now, we assume that Shaq is now officially better at putting together comedy shows than making free throws (rimshot!). None other than Bill Bellamy, guest on every damn show everywhere in the '90s, will host Thursday. The acts include: Robert Powell, Louisiana's Comedian of the Year three years in a row; Lavar Walker, 2012 Stand Up It's Miller Time champion; Finesse Mitchell, a Saturday Night Live alum; and Tony Roberts, star of the one-hour Showtime comedy special Wired!. Worth checking out.
Sarah Colonna at Addison Improv A writer and roundtable regular for Chelsea Lately, Colonna is completely aware of what an awful mother she'd be, which makes her downright awesome. She has a special V-Day show Thursday night that's 18 and up and includes a rose for each couple and a picture under a balloon arc (as if living through prom once wasn't enough). She's also performing Friday and Saturday, and those shows are 21 and up. No balloon arc, though. Sorry.
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Sean Patton at Arlington Improv Sean Patton is not a fan of kid owners. Parents he likes. Kid owners, not so much. See, parents actually raise their children who, in turn, become productive members of society. Kid owners parade their children around like show dogs and end up with lunatics. Patton will be here Thursday through Sunday.
$5 Valentine's Day Show at Dallas Comedy House Will your Valentine's Day be 24 hours of crying in your Zoloft-laden PBR*? Come out to Dallas Comedy House to hear local comedians tell the very best and very worst dating and break-up stories. Think you have it bad? Comedians thrive on misery. Just wait. Couples are welcome, but keep the spit-swapping at home. This is therapy for some of us, dammit.
Valentine's Day Comedy Celebration at Backdoor Comedy For some, backdoor is the last word you wanna hear on V-Day. But this is totally safe, I promise. The show features Dean Lewis and Linda Stogner, both Emmy winners and finalists for Funniest Comic in Texas, plus more club favorites. Ticket prices include chocolates, a glass of champagne and a ticket to a future show. So if your Valentine doesn't last beyond February, you've already got a ticket for a new date. There are two show times to choose from: 7:30 p.m. and 9:30 p.m. Call for reservations.
*We obviously do not condone this cocktail. We prefer our PBR served as it was meant to be: intravenously.