Every Thursday we highlight the best comedy of the coming weekend. Find more comedy events at dallasobserver.com/calendar.
Chris Porter at Hyena's in Dallas Spreading his drunk and stoned Midwest musings around the country is what Chris Porter does best. This Kansas City native has been making his way around the comedy scene for eight years now, and he'll be in Dallas this Thursday through Saturday, lending his voice to the plight of single males everywhere (there is no option for make-up -- ugly stays ugly). And ladies, he promises he's a solid 6. A 7 if you're tipsy.
Ryan Stout at the Addison Improv Stout's a regular on Chelsea Lately and has appeared on Conan and Comedy Central's Live at Gotham. He even has his own half-hour comedy special, Comedy Central Presents ... Ryan Stout. Whether he's in a generous mood (supporting a child in a third-world country, as long as there's a good deal going) or in a religious frame of mind (did you know that God blesses us with gonorrhea?), his twisted views on life are sure to entertain. He's here Thursday through Sunday.
April Macie at Hyena's in Fort Worth I admit, I'm a bit jealous. Not only is April Macie pretty damn hot, she's funny, too. Those things are supposed to be mutually exclusive, Universe!
Macie was a finalist on Last Comic Standing and has appeared on E! Entertainment and Fuel TV. She's also a regular on The Howard Stern Show. Brave gal. Macie and her raunchy mouth will be here this Friday and Saturday. Try to contain yourselves, gentlemen.
$5 Comedy at the Dallas Comedy House For a mere $5 (the price of your morning latte or a cup of soup or an old fashioned behind a dumpster), you get two improv comedy troupes. Audience suggestions are the spring boards for the completely made-up, always-funny show every Thursday at 8 p.m. Wanna make the show even better? Come armed with a suggestion. Use a thesaurus.
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Identity Thief What do you do when your identity is stolen by a crazy-ass chick in Florida? You chase after her, that's what. Jason Bateman plays Sandy Patterson (awful name, I know), a business man whose mission in life becomes tracking down and taking down Diana (Melissa McCarthy). Just a little hiccup or two -- Diana is one ferocious female, and the unlikely pair are being chased by money collectors. With guns. Rated R.
Bonus: Okay, I just have to include this. The powers that be have re-released Top Gun in freaking 3D. Top Gun, guys. All the homo-erotic beach volleyball, Danger Zone flying, Moose memorializing is now in three glorious definitions. Come see Val Kilmer before he, apparently, ingested a whale, Kelly McGillis before she became the human Lilith Fair, and Tom Cruise before he was certifiable. If Top Gun doesn't make you giggle, there is no hope.