The iPotty exists. Someone please invent the iStabMyEyesOut.

Potty training a toddler isn't fun. Trying to convince a toddler to crap into a toilet is like trying to convince a drunk person that whatever stupid shit he's currently doing is a bad idea. Conversations with both the toddler and the drunk will end with the same result: he will shit his pants while making eye contact with you, just to get you to change the subject.

Because potty training is such an intolerable mind screw, marketers sell thousands of millions of devices that promise to magically make your kid into a potty-shitting angel. There are how-to books narrated by every cartoon character your child has ever encountered, there are tiny toilets that sing songs when the kid pisses or dumps into them, and now the iPotty exists. It's $40, and you can strap an iPad into it while you wait for your kid to deliver a package.

Worried your iPad is definitely going to get pissed on? Of course you're not! There's a protective cover on the iPotty that goes over the iPad. You can absolutely trust your extremely delicate, definitely not waterproof, many-hundreds-of-American-dollars device to be completely protected and safe inside a $40 shitbox captained by a person who doesn't know what the word "fragile" means.

Before you rush out and purchase this device-- and I know you will-- think this through: the iPotty didn't solve the biggest problem of plastic toddler shitters. If you do succeed in getting a kid to dump or piss into it, you still have to throw the contents of this glorified bedpan into the regular toilet yourself. Ya know, unless you trust the kid to do that part.

If only someone would invent a toilet that would connect to the plumbing in your house so you could just flush the waste down when you're done, without having to go through all this extra work. Maybe make it ceramic. That'd be really useful.

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