The Oscars Happened! Jesus and Many Moms Were There, Looking Un-mom-like

Keep Dallas Observer Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Dallas and help keep the future of Dallas Observer free.

Last night, the Oscars happened. The set had tons of Oscars condoms blown up like balloons in the background. Epic. And lots of people watched as Oscars were given to the movies that were the most Oscar-y for being super Oscar-y. But more important: WOMEN IN DRESSES. There were boobie dresses, pregnant dresses, pantsuit dresses -- every dress was there.

Some male celebrities like to bring their moms as their dates to the Oscars. That is very nice. Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill brought their hot-ass moms.

Pharrell also brought his mom. She made those shorts for him.

Jesus brought his flowing son-o'-God locks, his brother and his mom. Because Jesus gets as many plus-ones as he wants, y'all.

Anne Hathaway stole the Reflektor Man's face for her dress. And then she smirked about it all night.

Reflektor Man was not available for comment, as he has NO FACE NOW.

Performance of the night had to be from that unknown talent, Adele Tazee, though. I don't know why Idina Menzel wasn't able to show up for her performance, but the chick that John Travolta's toupee and facelift introduced was ON POINT.

Meanwhile, Kate Hudson sports a giant Oscars boner.

Keep the Dallas Observer Free... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Dallas with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.


Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.