Welcome to another edition of Geek-Offs, where you'll find the perfect distractions to help you muddle your way through, and beyond, hump day each week.
When we're feeling particularly snarky, one of our favorite places to let off some steam and do some on the clock button mashing is Adult Swim's game portal. Not designed for the faint of heart or those who live life by the book, Adult Swim's games provide the perfect blend of gore and giggles and more crashing death than you can shake a stick at, so let our five picks of the week teach you how to take the day from hell a lot less seriously.
1. Five Minutes to Kill Yourself: Airport Edition Not that we would ever condone doing harm to yourself, but if you've ever spent too many hours at DFW or Love Field staring at the blinking "delayed" on the departure board, and therefore praying for someone to end it all, then Five Minutes to Kill (Yourself): Airport Edition may just be your cup of tea. Throw yourself in the baggage claim machine, taunt drug sniffing German Shepherds and hassle disgruntled security agents all in the name of putting yourself out of your misery as quickly as possible.
2. Soul Brother If you're a fan of classic platformers, then Soul Brother is where it's at. Despite the jammin' theme, Soul Brother isn't about the tunes but rather Mr. Soul, a ghost who moves from body to body in an effort to make his way through Soularis to Ascension. A perfectly timed death is required for you to move from character to character, requiring you to use their specialized attributes at just the right time, so feel free to throw yourself into a pit of spikes as necessary.
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3. Robot Unicorn Attack Heavy Metal Yes, you've played Robot Unicorn Attack ad nauseum, chasing rainbows in your dreams while whistling along to an Erasure classic, but what happens when you're sick of living in make believe and harmony (harmony oh love)? Robot Unicorn Attack Heavy Metal happens. Trade those rainbows and butterflies for fire and brimstone and smash through pentagrams with all of your unicorn rage as you collide with your dark fate to the thrashing tunes of German speed metal band Blind Guardian.
4. Give Up Robot No matter how hard you try, some people just want to keep you down. Usually it's your parent/arrogant co-worker/enraged significant other who tells you that you might as well not even bother, but in Give Up Robot, a robotic voice from the netherworld is here to tell you what a failure you are. Show them you're not going to take it anymore by running, jumping and swinging your way through dozens of multicolored levels as GLaDOS' lo-tech cousin berates you like the soulless machine it is.
5. Hemp Tycoon Sick of crashing to your death yet? Well, we've decided to give you a break from the carnage today with a little bit of time with Mary Jane. No, we're not going to get you high, but with Hemp Tycoon you can work your magic on a real cash crop. Not your grandma's Farmville, Hemp Tycoon is a fun time management game that's more your style (and it won't clog up your Facebook newsfeed). Sure, you may start small time in your attic while noshing on a slice, but eventually you'll find yourself running a full shop on an island decked out with a sprinkler system and Moai statues as you rake in the bucks.